**NEWS FLASH: Local Man’s ‘Brilliant’ DIY Solution to Block Pier View Has Entire Village Fuming**
A furious local resident, Pierre Deny of 32 Acacia Avenue, has sparked a massive online row after taking it upon himself to “reclaim common sense” and block public access to the scenic Old Mill Pier.
According to neighbours, Deny became irate after tourists kept taking selfies in front of his garden shed. His solution? He erected a 12-foot-high sheet of corrugated iron, spray-painted with the words: “STOP GAWPING. USE YOUR EYES AT HOME.”
“It’s just common sense,” Deny told our reporter through a small hole cut in the metal. “If I wanted to see a bunch of strangers waving at seagulls, I’d buy a TV. This is a residential area, not a theme park.”
The structure now completely blocks the pier’s historic view of the estuary, forcing dog walkers and pensioners to climb a muddy bank just to see the water.
Social media exploded after local councillor Brenda Thistle posted a photo of the “Pier-ceiling of Deny-ment.” One commenter wrote: “Common sense would be moving your shed, Pierre. Not hiding the entire coastline.”
Deny remains unrepentant, insisting he’s “saving everyone from themselves.” He has reportedly applied for planning permission to add a second sheet with a sign reading: “NATURE’S ON BREAK. TRY LATER.”