Trump signs mail-in voting executive order, declares it a 'historic victory for the sanctity of the postage stamp'
In a move that has both political analysts and mail carriers scratching their heads, the President has signed an executive order mandating that all mail-in ballots be delivered exclusively by carrier pigeon starting next election cycle. Critics call it a constitutional crisis, but supporters say it's the only way to ensure ballots don't get lost in the mail—while also single-handedly reviving the pigeon courier industry. As one White House aide put it, "We're not saying the system is broken, but we are saying the pigeons are unionizing for better seeds."