**BREAKING: KEN PAXTON’S IMPEACHMENT TRIAL NOW REQUIRES A ‘FREQUENT FLYER’ MILEAGE CARD**
*AUSTIN, TX –* In a stunning procedural twist, the Texas Senate has reportedly implemented a new "Frequent Flyer Miles" rewards program for the impeachment trial of Attorney General Ken Paxton. Sources say the program is retroactive, because the trial itself has launched more delays, appeals, and procedural challenges than a low-budget airline.
"At this point, we aren't sure if we are convicting or awarding a lifetime achievement award for *keeping the story going*," said a weary senator, who asked for anonymity because "everyone is tired of talking about this."
**The Irony:** The trial, which was supposed to settle the question of Paxton’s future, has instead achieved the opposite: it has become the political equivalent of a "Will he, won't he?" Netflix series that everyone hates but refuses to stop watching. The "why trending" factor is pure exhaustion and amusement; the public has moved past outrage and entered the "So long, it’s hilarious" phase.
**Viral Quote:** *"Ken Paxton’s legacy is less 'Top Cop' and more 'The Procrastinator General'."*
**Status:** *Allegedly.*