**Local resident fumes after garden gnome ‘held for ransom’ by thief who left note demanding ‘one bag of Doritos’**
**Maplewood, [Your State/Neighbourhood]** – A frustrated resident is speaking out after what she calls a "new low" in community crime: a garden gnome theft followed by an actual ransom note.
"I’m not even mad about the gnome—it was a tacky gift from my sister. But this is just about *common sense*," fumed Brenda Collins, 54, in a viral Facebook post. "You don’t steal a man’s garden gnome, then leave a sticky note on my door asking for a family-size bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and a Diet Coke as ransom. What kind of criminal mastermind snacks their way through a heist?"
Collins says the thief apparently took the gnome from her front porch sometime Tuesday night. She found a note taped to her front door Wednesday morning that read: "I have your gnome. If you ever want to see him again, leave a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and a Diet Coke on the park bench at 8 PM. No cops."
The police declined to comment, but Collins says she’s not playing along.
"Common sense says: don’t negotiate with garden-variety criminals. And for the love of God, if you’re going to steal, at least ask for cash, not chips," she wrote, adding that she’s now "dangling a fake gnome on a rope from the porch as bait."
The post has sparked hundreds of comments, with neighbours divided between "that’s hilarious" and "this is exactly why we need better streetlights."
Collins says she plans to set up a security camera. "Somebody’s gotta restore common sense around here."