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#FOX
# Fox Unintentionally Serves as HOA President for Suburban Neighborhood, Homeowners Furious About ‘Unfair Enforcement of Den Rules’
#MIAMI
Florida Man Finally Finds His Soulmate, Gets Engaged to 400-Pound Gator Named ‘Cuddles’
#GUO
Guo Wengui’s ‘Tunnel Rat’ Escape Plan Falls Flat, Judge Says ‘Nice Try, Dumbass’
#WHAT
The Moon Tonight is Whatever the Fuck You Want It To Be, Honestly
#CAN
Drink Up, You Absolute Heathens: The New York Times Just Discovered a Can of Seltzer on a Tap
#STATE
State of Decay 3 Devs Accidentally Reveal The Game’s Best Feature: It Actually Runs
#KALSHI
DC Judge Tells Kalshi: ‘Nice Try, Now Let the People Bet on the Apocalypse’
#NUEVO
Mother Nature Finally Sends Her Resume: Nuevo León Residents Shocked to Discover Their State Has Actual Weather After Decades of ‘Adorable Heat’
#KEN
Ken Paxton Finally Found a Corruption Charge He Can’t Settle His Way Out Of
#PEACOCK
Peacock Is Literally Begging You To Watch Its New Show By Turning Your TV Into A Screaming, Advertising Hellscape
#AURORA
Aurora Borealis Fans Are Begging Scientists to Stop Making It Visible in Cities, Because Apparently Nothing Can Be Enjoyed Anymore
#ERIN
Erin Krakow Accused of Faking British Accent For 10 Years; Says She’s “Actually From Florida”
#PRESCRIPTION
FDA Finally Admits ‘Just Take Tylenol’ Was Just Cheaper Than Fixing Your Chronic Pain
#JACK
Jack Doherty’s Self-Own Hits Different When the Crypto Tank Goes Negative
#SPACE
Space Is Now Officially a Housing Market, Rent Starting at $50,000 a Month
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