Local Hero Platner Uses Garden Hose To Spray Down Neighbor’s Barking Dog For Three Hours, Council Calls It “Community Sanitation”
Just moved to this neighborhood and already I’ve got more “common sense” than the entire city council combined. Seriously, who honks a car horn at 6 AM to wake up a mailman? That’s not a solution, that’s just petty. If a platner—a proper, old-school, flat-headed nail—is what it takes to fix the squeaky gate on the community garden shed, then maybe we should start using our heads instead of our smartphones. My grandmother fixed a whole fence with a single platner and a rock. Now we’re paying consultants $50,000 to “study” the problem. I’m not a handyman, but I know this: if the wheel is broken, you don’t invent a new shape for it, you use a platner to attach the old one. End of story.