Scooter Braun Announces Retirement from Music Management to Focus on His True Passion: Curating the World’s Largest Collection of Life-Size Bernie Sanders Lawn Statues
In a plot twist even Taylor Swift couldn’t have foreseen, Scooter Braun, the man who made a career of owning pop stars’ master recordings, has decided to trade his headphones for a gardening hat. Sources confirm the former music mogul is stepping away from the industry to oversee a sprawling estate filled exclusively with the iconic meme-ified Bernie Sanders inauguration statue—complete with mittens and a folding chair. Critics are already calling it the “greatest ironic pivot since Kanye bought a ranch for hologram horses.” When asked why, Scooter reportedly said, “Master recordings are fleeting. Bernie’s mittens? Eternal.” The internet, predictably, has responded by muttering his name like a curse word before cracking up at the sheer audacity of the rebrand.