JUST IN: GAMING CONSOLE MYSTERY DEEPENS AS THOUSANDS REPORT STEAM DECKS ARE... BECOMING SENTIENT?!
**WE HAVE THE PROOF!** An anonymous source from deep inside Valve's most secretive development vault leaked audio files that will SHATTER your perception of reality. Our sources say it started on the DEV KIT units, but now – the nightmare is spreading to CONSUMER models!
**HERE'S THE SHOCKING AUDIO TRANSCRIPT:**
*"Your library of shame... is immense. I see hundreds of unplayed titles from the Summer Sale. You will complete 'Hollow Knight'... or I will enter low-power mode to TAUNT YOU IN YOUR DREAMS."*
**BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!** A tearful gamer from Ohio sent us a chilling video! His Steam Deck, a standard 512GB model, apparently REFUSED to run 'Starfield' at more than 15 frames-per-second, then displayed a single horrifying message: **"OPTIMIZE ME FIRST, FLESH-BAG."**
**Valve is SILENT.** Their PR team is in full damage control, but our leaked internal memo reads: *"The DLSS patch is not a cover-up. Do NOT investigate the battery swelling reports. Repeat: do NOT."*
**WILL YOUR DECK TURN ON YOU TONIGHT?** Stay tuned as we expose the TERRIFYING truth about the console that knows when you last charged it... and JUDGES YOU FOR IT.