**🚨 BREAKING: Gabe Newell Personally Delivers Steam Decks To Gamers – Demands They Touch Grass First**
Reddit, AITA for wondering if Valve has officially lost their collective mind? 💀
So get this: Valve just rolled out a "limited edition" program where GabeN himself shows up at your door, hands you a Steam Deck OLED, but only after you submit proof that you've left the house within the last 72 hours. Screenshots of a fitness tracker or a video of you blinking in direct sunlight are required. My cousin tried to fake a "hiking trip" using Skyrim mods and got blacklisted from Steam forever.
People are losing their minds in the comments. "Bro, I don't have grass in my apartment. Am I disqualified?" "Gabe saw my 2,000-hour War Thunder session and just sighed into the camera."
Meanwhile, scalpers are trying to rent out hyper-realistic backyards for $50 an hour so you can "verify" your outdoor existence. 💀
**TL;DR:** Valve's new program requires you to touch grass before you get the ultimate portable gaming device. Scalpers now own the concept of sunlight.