**BREAKING: SPIDER-MAN NOIR ACCUSED OF BEING “TOO PROBLEMATIC” BY 2024 STANDARDS, CANCEL CULTURE FINALLY REACHES THE DEPRESSION ERA**
AITA for saying that y’all are *way* too soft? The internet has collectively decided that Spider-Man Noir—the brooding, trenchcoat-wearing, depression-era version of your friendly neighborhood web-slinger—is *actually* bad representation, and now everyone is up in arms.
TL;DR: A thinkpiece from a major outlet (that definitely wasn't written by someone who has to google what a "speakeasy" is) has gone viral, arguing that Noir Spidey’s whole “sad white guy in a fedora” schtick is “performative poverty” and “toxic masculinity.” Apparently, we’re supposed to ignore the whole "Great Depression" setting and focus on the fact that he wasn't intersectional enough in 1933. He didn't even have a non-binary roommate to crack wise about the stock market crash. Literally unreadable.
But wait, it gets better. The outrage mob has now pivoted to his *voice*. Turns out, the gravelly, chain-smoker growl he uses is *actually* ableist against people with chronic laryngitis. I’m not making this up. Someone on Twitter (sorry, X) did a 47-part thread about how his catchphrase, “I’m the one thing you can’t kill,” is a microaggression against immortal vampires.
So, is the take hot enough for you? Or are we going to have to dig up a 90-year-old corpse to apologize for not having a BIPOC, asexual, disabled, polycule-themed Spider-Person in a time before modern plumbing was widespread?
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