**BREAKING: LOCAL DAD DEMANDS ANSWERS – "WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST USE A TRANQUILIZER?"**
Cincinnati, OH – In what is being called the "incident that broke the internet," angry local resident and self-proclaimed "voice of reason" Kevin Miller, 42, is demanding a full investigation into the death of Harambe, the 17-year-old western lowland gorilla shot at the Cincinnati Zoo.
"I don't care what the experts say," Miller fumed on a local Facebook community group. "My kid has climbed out of his crib a dozen times. You don't see me calling in a SWAT team. It’s called common sense. They had tranquilizers. They had peanuts. They had that big stick with the hook. But no—they panic and pull the trigger."
The viral rant, which has already been shared 14,000 times, asks the tough questions nobody wants to hear: "Why are we spending millions on zoo security when a three-year-old can just waltz in? And why, in the year of our Lord 2016, are we still treating animals like they're made of glass? The gorilla was just trying to protect the kid. Harambe was a hero. Wake up, people."
Miller concluded with a firm declaration: "I'm not saying I'm an expert, but I did watch Planet Earth. Twice. This is a tragedy of overreaction. My heart goes out to Harambe. Dabs out."