**Kendrick Lamar Drops Surprise Diss Track Aimed at Roach – "Not Like Us (But Way Dumber)" Causes CD Projekt Red Stock to Plunge**
**TL;DR:** Apparently, Roach’s bridge-standing AI is now *canonically* more sentient than half the NPCs in Novigrad. 🐴🔥
**AITA for thinking this is just a cash grab by Geralt to fund his retirement to Toussaint?**
*In a move that has the Continent shook, Kendrick Lamar has reportedly collaborated with CD Projekt Red on a new diss track targeting the game’s most controversial character: Roach. The track, titled “Not Like Us (But Way Dumber),” supposedly features bars about Roach’s inability to pathfind around a three-foot fence, while a haunting sample of the “Wild Hunt” theme plays backwards.*
**Reddit, I am SHOOK.**
I was just trying to find Ciri when my game froze, and suddenly Roach started moonwalking across the Pontar while Kendrick’s voice blared from her saddlebags: *“You teleport to roofs but you can’t swim / You’re basically a furry with a broken exoskeleton, him?”*
Now fans are divided. Some say it’s poetic commentary on the futility of side quests. Others (like me) are just *TIRED* of Roach getting top billing while Zoltan’s collecting dust. **AITA for wishing Geralt would just axii the horse into a glue factory and be done with it?**
**Update:** CDPR confirmed the song is canon, and a patch now allows Roach to ascend to a new plane of existence called “Cloud Stables.” 💀