**BREAKING: LONGVIEW, TX RESIDENTS ACCIDENTALLY CREATE IRL RULE 34 OF THE BEANIE BABY MARKET**
So apparently the fine folks in Longview, Texas decided that waking up on a Tuesday meant *checks notes* detonating a chemical plant like a Michael Bay fever dream. AITA for thinking this is just the universe's way of telling us Texas has too many air fresheners?
TL;DR: Massive boom at a chemical facility. Sky turned into a chunky salsa verde. Everyone within 50 miles is now professionally marinated in "Eau de Cancer." But don't worry, the CEO said "safety protocols were followed" right before his mansion shook like a bingo dauber on meth.
Local Karens are already asking if the smoke will affect their HOA's "approved paint colors." Meanwhile, the EPA is on site, which is corporate-speak for "start drinking your tap water now because it's about to taste like an ashtray's revenge."
But hey, at least the housing market in Longview just got a *literal* boom. 💥 💀
#LongviewChemicalExplosion #Texas #SarcasmIsMyCopingMechanism