**BREAKING: Eid Mubarak 2026 Officially Cancelled After Committee Spots Moon Looking 'Suspiciously Like a Trumpet'**
In a twist that has left the Ummah both baffled and cackling, the official sighting of the Shawwal moon for Eid al-Fitr 2026 has been delayed indefinitely after a senior moon-sighting committee member reportedly exclaimed, "That's not a crescent, brother—that's the opening of the *Trumpet of the Resurrection*."
According to leaked WhatsApp audios, the committee ruled the moon "too eschatologically suspicious" to confirm, sparking a viral hashtag: **#EidIsNotToday**.
In related news, astronomy enthusiasts have pointed out that the moon in question was actually a partially deflated "2025" balloon from a New Year's party, now drifting through low orbit. "We take no chances," said Grand Mufti Al-Meme. "Either we see the crescent, or we fast until the Dajjal shows up. Happy almost-Eid to those who celebrate."
**In other breaking developments:** Millions of children have reportedly been told "Yes, but also no—go back to bed."