**NYT/Siena Poll Drops Some Absolute Truth Bombs – America Still Wildly Divided, Water Still Wet** 05-19
**NEWSFLASH: GAMERS COLLECTIVELY FAINT as ROCKSTAR CONFIRMS GTA 6 WILL COST "YOUR SOUL, YOUR FIRSTBORN, and a SMALL FEE of $99.99"** 05-19
**News Snippet: "Russell Andrews Falsely Claimed to Be Mystery Successor to Late Music Legend — Here’s What’s Fact and Fiction"** 05-19
**NEWS DROP: Mark Fuhrman Trends as 'Vibe Manager' of 2024 — Internet Can't Stop Laughing at the Irony** 05-19
**NEWS ALERT: SPORTS LEGEND MICHAEL JORDAN ANNOUNCES UNPRECEDENTED PHILANTHROPIC INITIATIVE – $100 MILLION DONATION TARGETING COMMUNITY HEALTH and ECONOMIC EQUITY** 05-19
**MORGAN WALLEN SPOTTED at LOCAL WAFFLE HOUSE – AND of COURSE the ‘WOKE CROWD’ IS MELTING DOWN** 05-19
**MORAL CRITIC ISSUES STATEMENT on MORGAN WALLEN'S 'LATE-NIGHT GAMBLING BINGE' - CALLS IT 'THE FINAL NAIL in the COFFIN of CIVILITY'** 05-19
**Man Fakes His Own Death to Avoid His Mother-in-Law’s Meatloaf, Gets Hit With Reckless Endangerment Charges** 05-19
**LEGO FANS OUTRAGED as NEW 'BATMAN: LEGACY of the DARK KNIGHT' SETS INCLUDE "ETHICAL DILEMMA" CHALLENGE CARDS** 05-19
**LEGO Batman’s "Woke" Makeover Has Local Dad Seeing Red: "When Did a Mask Need a Trigger Warning?"** 05-19