**NEW YORK** — In a Move That Has Simultaneously Confused, Delighted, and Terrified Millions, 76-Year-Old Rock Legend Steven Tyler Has Officially Been Declared the "Internet’s Favorite Cat Dad" After a Series of Leaked Photos Show Him Dressing His Three Rescue Persians in Matching Vintage Bandanas and Teaching Them to Harmonize on the Chorus of "Dream On." 05-19
**NEW YORK, NY** — In a Development That Has Sent Shockwaves Through the Global Economy and Caused a Minor Tremor in the Federal Reserve’s Interest Rate Decision, Rockstar Games Has Officially Confirmed the Price for *Grand Theft Auto VI*: **$129.99**. 05-19
**NEW YORK (AIBN) —** in What Historians Are Calling the "Most Unhinged Crossover Event Since the Taco Bell Doritos Locos Taco," Luigi Mangione—a 34-Year-Old Italian-American Restaurant Accountant From Queens—has Accidentally Become the Internet’s Least Likely Folk Hero After a Video of Him Arguing With a Sentient AI Chatbot About Lasagna Recipes Went Viral. 05-19
**N.C. Senator Thom Tillis Drops the Most Useless "Bipartisan" Bill Since the Invention of the Salad Fork** 05-19
**MARK CUBAN DECLARES ‘MEME STOCKS ARE the NEW STANDARD’—PROMPTLY INVESTIGATED by SEC for BEING TOO FUNNY** 05-19
**Mark Cuban Accidentally Cashes Out $5,000 in Dogecoin He Forgot About, Now Vows to "Buy the Entire Internet."** 05-19
**MANHATTAN –** in a Plot Twist So Ironic It Would Make O.J. Simpson’s Lawyers Blush, Disgraced Former LAPD Detective Mark Fuhrman Is Trending After Accidentally Solving a High-Profile Cold Case *While Trying to File a Complaint Against His Neighbor for Playing the Audio Book of “The Jinx” Too Loudly.* 05-19
**MAN FREAKS OUT OVER COFFEE CUP, HAS NUCLEAR MELTDOWN in PUBLIC — YOU WON'T BELIEVE the PRICE** 05-19
**LEGO BATMAN: LEGACY of the DARK KNIGHT** – WB Drops New Trailer, Fans Immediately Split Into Two Warring Factions 05-19
**Lainey Wilson Just Got a Ring Bigger Than Her Belmont Buckle—And the Internet Is Losing It! 🔥💍** 05-19
**JUST IN:** OFFICIALS FROZEN as SOLICITOR GENERAL *CAUGHT* in SHOCKING LATE-NIGHT LEMONADE STAND SCANDAL! 05-19
**JUST IN: TSA GOLD+ AIRPORT SCREENING—IS THIS the ULTIMATE SECURITY BREACH or the MOST LUXURIOUS TRAVEL SCANDAL?** 05-19