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#TOY

Toy Story 5: Billion-Dollar Franchise Finally Discovers The Existential Horror Of Student Loan Debt

#FOX

HOA Karen Hires Hit Squad After Neighbor’s Dog “Aggressively Stares” At Her, Cops Say

#NC

Inmate Hostage Crisis or Just Another Tuesday in North Carolina? Let's Break Down This Absolute Dumpster Fire

#OLD

Old Farmer’s Almanac July Forecast Has Gen Z Asking If They Need To Start An Ark Or Just Move To Mars

#JUNK

BREAKING: Morbidly Obese Man Achieves Nirvana After Consuming Entire Gas Station’s Hot Food Selection, Claims He “Found God” In A Tornado Roll

#PENELOPE

“Beloved British Actress Penelope Keith, 84, Cancels Tour Because She’s ‘Too Tired’—And The Internet Is Having A Full-On Midlife Crisis”

#EL

El Niño’s Back, Bitches: Get Ready for a Summer of Hllfire, Floods, and Your HOA Going Full Mad Max

#KALSHI

Kalshi Finally Lets Americans Bet On The Weather, Because Of Course That’s What We Need Right Now

#WHAT

What Kind of Moon Is It Tonight? (Spoiler: It’s Still Just a Rock, Karen)

#ROBERT

Here's the thing about Robert Eggers, the guy who makes movies so historically accurate and oppressively grim that watching them feels like doing a month of penance for a sin you didn't commit. He’s the kind of director who makes you feel like a dumbass for not knowing what a “dung fork” is. You walk out of his latest film, Nosferatu, not with a sense of entertainment, but with the deep, unsettling feeling that you just got yelled at by a very angry, very bearded history professor who also happens to be a Satanist.

#NORTHERN

Northern Lights Forecasters Are Begging You To Chill The F Out, And Honestly, They Have A Point

#TUPOLEV

Tupolev Tu-160 Stolen? Pikachu Face Russia’s “White Swan” FLEES To Ukraine For Freedom Fries

#ELLIOT

Elliot Page’s New Memoir Reveals He’s Still Being Treated Like A Human Being, Which Apparently Is A Controversy Now

#ALAN

# Alan Dershowitz Sues CNN For $300 Million, Claims Network Ruined His Reputation (As If That Was Possible)

#PRESCRIPTION

TikTok’s Newest Hack Is ‘Micro-Dosing’ Ozempic for Weight Loss, Doctors Beg You to Read a Book Instead

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