America's elected officials have been very busy this week, and by busy I mean they successfully agreed on the one thing nobody has ever argued about: naming a building after a dead guy.
The bill in question honors a beloved local figure, which is the political equivalent of a group project where everyone gets an A for showing up.
Meanwhile, the actual issues—healthcare, the debt, why a gallon of milk costs more than my first car—remain safely untouched in the "we'll get to it" pile.
But here's the part that really makes you feel warm inside.
According to a watchdog report nobody will read, the procedural song and dance around this naming ceremony burned through roughly $47 million in staff time, travel, and what I can only assume were artisanal catering platters shaped like the Capitol.
Both sides are now claiming victory, which is impressive given that the stakes were "what should we call a building that already has a name." Republicans say it's a tribute to tradition.
Democrats say it's a tribute to community.
The building itself reportedly has no comment.
Not to fixing the pothole that ate your sedan.
Not to the school that's using a textbook from 1998.
Somewhere, a lobbyist is laughing into a glass of bourbon, and honestly, he's earned it.
The post office in question has been closed since 2019.
Look, I'm not saying every politician is useless.
Some of them are very good at fundraising, and that's a skill.
But there's something deeply funny about a government that can unite across the aisle to honor a guy named Gary while the country runs on vibes and duct tape.
If this is the peak of bipartisan cooperation, I'd like to formally request that we lower the peak.
Maybe next week they can agree on a resolution to admire a nice sunset.
Somewhere, Gary is smiling, probably because he no longer has to pay taxes on a building that does absolutely nothing. **The bottom line:** If our leaders can only agree on ceremonial fluff, maybe we should stop pretending they're running the country and start admitting they're just running a very expensive fan club.
Final Thoughts
Vote accordingly, or don't—they'll name a post office either way.