Rockstar finally pulled back the curtain on the *Grand Theft Auto VI* collector's edition this week, and within approximately four seconds, the internet did what the internet does: it lost its collective mind and immediately started calculating resale value.
For the uninitiated, the top-tier bundle runs a cool $249.99 and includes a steelbook case, a replica Vice City license plate, a map of Leonida that looks suspiciously like Florida if Florida had a budget, and a digital download code.
For two hundred and fifty American dollars.
Best Buy's website folded like a lawn chair at a tailgate.
GameStop's queue system put people in a virtual line longer than the actual line at a DMV on a Monday.
And eBay listings for "confirmed pre-order" started popping up before most people had even finished reading the product description.
The scalpers, bless their opportunistic little hearts, are already asking $600, $800, and in one truly unhinged listing, $1,200 for a bundle that doesn't even ship until sometime next year.
The listing description reads "RARE INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY." Sir, it's a plastic license plate and a map.
Here's the part that really grinds my gears.
The "collector's edition" doesn't even include the actual game disc.
So you're paying a quarter of a grand for physical tchotchkes and a piece of paper that tells you to go download the thing you already paid for.
That's a scavenger hunt with extra steps.
Meanwhile, the actual game itself still doesn't have a firm release date, which means people are dropping mortgage-payment money on merchandise for a product that exists primarily as a vibe and a few trailers.
We are collectively pre-ordering our own disappointment, and we're doing it with same-day shipping.
Look, I get it. *GTA VI* is the most anticipated piece of media since we all thought *Half-Life 3* was real.
If you want to spend your hard-earned money on a Vice City license plate to hang in your man cave next to your framed picture of Tommy Vercetti, that's your God-given right as an American consumer.
This is a pre-order bonus with delusions of grandeur.
The actual collectible will be the game itself, assuming it ever comes out and doesn't get delayed into the next geological era.
Take the $180 you saved and invest it in literally anything else, like a savings account, a nice dinner, or therapy to process the fact that you almost spent $250 on a map of fake Florida.
Final Thoughts
The scalpers will be stuck holding the bag, and you'll be playing the same game they are, just without the buyer's remorse.