Another week, another set of paparazzi photos of Ben Affleck staring into the middle distance like a man who just remembered he left the oven on in a house he doesn't own.
Before that, it was existing near a Dunkin' cup.
The man cannot simply purchase a beverage without becoming a national mood board.
Here's the thing about Affleck: he is the last true movie star who seems actively annoyed by the concept of being perceived.
Most celebrities curate their street style like they're auditioning for a Netflix documentary about their own greatness.
Ben rolls up in a faded hoodie, a face like a man reviewing a bad Yelp review of his own life, and a back tattoo the size of a doormat that he once claimed was fake.
The internet, as always, did what the internet does.
He was a guy waiting for his wife to finish trying on jeans.
He was every middle-aged dude at a Home Depot on a Saturday, questioning the trajectory of his entire existence.
Reddit's r/popculturechat turned it into a full forensic investigation of his facial expressions, which ranged from "mildly inconvenienced" to "just watched his own movie get a 32% on Rotten Tomatoes." But let's be fair here, because someone has to be the boring voice of reason in a sea of jokes.
The guy is a recovering addict who has been through a very public divorce, a very public reconciliation, and another very public divorce-ish situation.
Maybe it's just the face of a 51-year-old man who would like to drink his iced coffee in peace without 400 people diagnosing his mental state from a grainy zoom lens.
He could become a recluse like Daniel Day-Lewis and spend his days cobbling shoes.
Instead, he directs Oscar-winning movies, stars in mediocre superhero flicks, and gets photographed looking like he just got audited.
At some point, the misery isn't bad luck.
Affleck has somehow become the most relatable A-lister in Hollywood precisely because he refuses to pretend he's having a great time.
Every other celebrity is posting gratitude journals and green juice.
Ben is out here looking like he just got a text from his ex-wife's lawyer.
We should be thanking him, not memeing him.
So here's my unsolicited take: leave the man alone, or at least stop acting surprised every time he looks like a guy who'd rather be anywhere else.
Final Thoughts
And if that face bothers you, maybe you're the one who needs a coffee run.