There's a genre of guy who walks into a small business, decides the signage is a personal attack, and responds by lawyering up.
Meet Dale Whitcomb, 54, of Bakersfield, California, who is currently going viral for doing exactly that — to a bakery that misspelled the name "Aykroyd" on a custom cake.
Dale ordered a birthday cake for his brother, whose legal first name is Aykroyd, because their parents apparently hated him specifically.
The bakery, run by two sisters who have been decorating cakes since the Clinton administration, wrote "Ackroyd" in buttercream.
Dale demanded a full refund, then a partial refund, then a written apology, then — and I cannot stress this enough — filed a small claims suit for "emotional distress and brand confusion." The judge reportedly looked at the cake, looked at Dale, and asked if he was serious.
The internet, as always, did what it does.
Someone posted the court filing, and within hours the bakery's Yelp page was flooded with five-star reviews from people who have never been to Bakersfield and never will.
Their Instagram went from 400 followers to 90,000.
After the case got thrown out, Dale went back to the same bakery and ordered a second cake.
He allegedly told the owner he wanted to "see if they could get it right this time." They did.
He left a three-star review saying the frosting was "a little sweet." Let's be honest about what's happening here.
This is about a man who has never once in his life been told to chill, and a society that keeps letting him order dessert.
The bakery is now selling a limited-edition "Aykroyd Special" — spelled correctly, obviously — and donating a cut to a literacy nonprofit.
Petty, profitable, and technically charitable.
The brother, for the record, told a local news crew he didn't even want a cake.
He got a viral lawsuit and a free t-shirt from the bakery that says "I survived my brother's cake." He wears it ironically.
Closing take: Dale is the villain, the bakery is the hero, and the real loser is the English language, which has been taking stray bullets from both of these men since birth.
If you're thinking about suing a small business over a vowel, don't.
Final Thoughts
Just eat the cake and move on with your life.