A Tampa woman named Marissa got the notification we all dread: "Your Dasher is arriving." What she didn't get was her Pad Thai, her spring rolls, or, notably, her corgi, Biscuit.
According to a since-deleted TikTok that racked up 4.2 million views before the lawyers got involved, the driver apparently grabbed the wrong "item" from her porch and peeled out in a 2011 Civic with a check engine light that's been on since the Obama administration.
DoorDash's official response was a masterclass in corporate word salad. "We take these matters seriously and are investigating," said a spokesperson, which is code for "our PR intern is currently having a nervous breakdown." Meanwhile, Marissa's Ring camera footage shows the driver briefly making eye contact with the dog, shrugging, and then just… taking him.
Biscuit reportedly wagged his entire body the whole time, because corgis have no survival instincts and will follow anyone holding a lukewarm chicken nugget.
Here's the thing nobody's talking about: this is the third DoorDash incident in Tampa this month.
Last week, a driver delivered someone's sushi to a stranger's funeral.
The week before, a guy got his burrito bowl, a side of queso, and a handwritten note that just said "run." The gig economy is not a system.
DoorDash, for its part, has rolled out "Dasher Safety Kits" that include a flashlight, a phone charger, and a laminated card explaining what a dog is.
The company also added a "pet-friendly" toggle for drivers who want to accept animals as passengers, because apparently we're just doing that now.
Uber Eats is reportedly "monitoring the situation," which is what they say before they copy the feature and charge you $4.99 extra.
Biscuit was returned six hours later, slightly damp, smelling like a vape shop, and wearing a tiny DoorDash-branded bandana.
Marissa's video caption read: "He's fine.
Rating: 1 star, would not recommend, unless you hate your dog." The driver, whose name is apparently "Chad," left a five-star review of Marissa's porch and noted that her welcome mat "really tied the whole entryway together." The internet, as always, did its thing.
People are now joking that DoorDash is pivoting to "pet acquisition as a service." Someone started a GoFundMe for Biscuit's therapy.
A Reddit thread titled "AITA for wanting my dog back before my cold fries?" hit the front page of r/AmITheAsshole in under an hour.
And a man in Ohio has reportedly ordered 47 consecutive meals hoping the same driver shows up, because he "just wants to see what happens next." Look, I'm not saying the gig economy is a lawless wasteland where your dinner and your dachshund are equally up for grabs.
I'm saying the app literally has a button that says "leave at door," and we're all just trusting the universe from there.
That's a dare. **Closing take:** DoorDash will survive this because we're all too tired to cook and too broke to care.
Final Thoughts
But if your driver pulls up with a flashlight, a laminated card, and a suspiciously empty backseat, maybe just meet them at the curb.