You know how your mom always said nothing good happens after midnight?
A Nevada family just proved her right in federal court, and the receipts are absolutely unhinged.
According to court documents filed in Clark County, a Las Vegas couple is suing a local 7-Eleven for a cool $2 million, claiming their teenage son suffered "permanent emotional distress" after a Brainfreeze incident that allegedly lasted "several minutes." Yes, you read that correctly.
The flavor was reportedly Wild Cherry, which honestly feels like the least controversial choice in the entire machine.
The lawsuit, which has since been shared roughly 400,000 times on X (formerly Twitter, for those of you who still refuse to let go), alleges the store's machine was "mislabeled" and that the teen consumed the frozen beverage "at an unsafe velocity." Attorneys for the family argue that 7-Eleven "failed to provide adequate warning" about brain freeze, which — and I cannot stress this enough — is a thing every human being on Earth has experienced since roughly age four.
The internet, as per usual, did not disappoint.
One viral reply read, "I stubbed my toe on a curb last Tuesday, where do I file?" Another user offered to represent the family for a flat fee of one (1) Blue Raspberry Slurpee and a bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos.
Legal experts, meanwhile, have been less amused.
A UNLV law professor told local news that the case will likely be dismissed under Nevada's "you've got to be kidding me" doctrine, which is not the actual legal term but might as well be.
Here's the thing that makes this story peak Nevada: this is the same state where you can legally get married by an Elvis impersonator at 3 a.m., gamble your rent money on a slot machine shaped like a buffalo, and buy fireworks that technically violate the Geneva Convention.
A $2 million brain freeze lawsuit fits right in.
It's the most Nevada thing to happen since someone tried to sue a casino because they "felt unlucky." The 7-Eleven corporation has since released a statement saying they "take all customer concerns seriously" while simultaneously, I assume, laughing so hard they pulled a muscle.
The store's franchise owner reportedly installed a new sign above the Slurpee machine that reads "CAUTION: COLD." Truly, a public service.
Meanwhile, the family's GoFundMe — titled "Justice for Frosty" — has raised a whopping $47, mostly from the kid's aunt and one guy who thought he was donating to a dog rescue.
The teen, for his part, told a local reporter that he's "doing okay now" and has "switched to ICEEs," because apparently brand loyalty dies hard even when litigation is involved.
Closing opinion: Look, I'm not saying the American legal system is a circus, but the fact that this made it past a filing fee tells you everything about our collective ability to monetize mild inconvenience.
If this lawsuit succeeds, I'm filing against every gas station in a 50-mile radius for the nacho cheese that burned my tongue in 2019.
Final Thoughts
Somebody get me a lawyer and a Wild Cherry.