Hollywood has looked at the last thirty years of video game movies and decided the problem was not enough Hadoukens.
A new Street Fighter film is officially in development, because apparently nobody at the studio remembers 1994, and the people who do remember it have been in therapy ever since.
For the uninitiated, the 1994 Street Fighter movie starred Jean-Claude Van Damme as Guile, Raul Julia as M.
Bison, and a plot that had roughly the same relationship to the games as a gas station hot dog has to fine dining.
Raul Julia, a legitimately great actor, reportedly took the role because his kids loved the game.
He was also gravely ill at the time and passed away before the film released.
That is somehow the most dignified thing about the entire production.
The new project has been kicking around development for years, which in Hollywood is the polite way of saying "we have a poster and a vibe." Various writers and directors have cycled through.
At one point it looked like it might actually happen with real momentum, and then it quietly went to the corner to think about what it had done, like every video game adaptation since 1993.
Here is the thing nobody wants to admit: Street Fighter is genuinely hard to adapt.
It is a roster of international weirdos punching each other in exotic locations, and the plot is basically "there is a tournament, someone is evil, go fight." That works on a joystick.
It is thinner than a receipt in a screenplay.
And yet, the franchise has already solved this problem once.
The 1995 animated movie is legitimately good.
The live-action web series Assassin's Fist got real praise.
Street Fighter II remains one of the most influential games ever made.
The internet's reaction has been predictable and beautiful.
Half of the replies are casting demands for a muscular, perpetually confused Ryu.
The other half are demands that whoever plays M.
Bison must be legally required to scream about Tuesday.
Meanwhile, a small but loud faction insists the only correct move is to cast someone who can actually do a spinning bird kick, because practical effects are back, baby.
The actual creative team remains a mystery wrapped in a press release.
No cast, no release date, no trailer, just the warm glow of a studio that has learned nothing and forgotten everything.
If history is any guide, we will get a teaser in two years, a delay, a reshoot, and a final product that makes the 1994 version look like Citizen Kane with better lighting.
The real question is not whether it will be good.
It is whether it will be bad in a fun way or bad in a sad way.
The 1994 movie is a disaster, but it is a watchable disaster with quotable lines and a villain who chews scenery like it owes him money.
So here we are again, waiting on a movie that may or may not exist, based on a game about punching, made by people who have never successfully made one of these.
Somebody please just give us a good fight scene and let Bison monologue. **Our take:** This will either be a glorious disaster or a boring one, and honestly the glorious kind is more entertaining.
Final Thoughts
Hollywood keeps promising a video game movie that does not stink, and we keep buying tickets like the definition of insanity is a business model.