A pelican in Naples, Florida, is now the internet's main character after it inhaled a tourist's iPhone like it was a free sample at Costco.
The bird, reportedly named "Kevin" by locals who have way too much time on their hands, apparently mistook the device for a fish.
In fairness, both are shiny and both are ruining our lives.
Witnesses say the phone's owner was mid-selfie when Kevin swooped in like a drone with a grudge.
The pelican, unbothered and frankly iconic, swallowed the phone whole and then just stood there looking at everyone like, "What?
You gonna do something?" The crowd's reaction was split between horror and the universal American instinct to film everything for clout.
Animal control was called, but Kevin had already become a local celebrity.
A guy in a tank top tried to do the Heimlich on a bird.
It's now living inside a pelican and probably has better reception than my apartment.
Experts note that pelicans have stretchy throat pouches that can hold up to three gallons of water, which is a fun fact nobody asked for but now you can't un-know.
This isn't even the first pelican-phone incident this year.
Apparently, these birds have a type, and that type is expensive electronics.
The phone's owner told local news she was "shocked and also kind of impressed." She said she tried to negotiate with the pelican, offering it a fish in exchange for the device.
Kevin, a savvy negotiator, ate the fish and kept the phone.
Wildlife officials are reminding people not to feed pelicans, not to approach them, and definitely not to hold your phone over their beaks like you're feeding a baby bird a worm.
Common sense is apparently a limited resource in Florida, alongside fresh water and sanity.
The pelican was eventually released back into the wild, phone still presumably in its gullet.
Kevin got a meal and fifteen minutes of fame.
And we all got one more reason to never leave the house. **The Take:** Honestly, this pelican has more game than most people I know.
It saw something it wanted, took it, and faced zero consequences.
Final Thoughts
If you're out here crying about your phone being inside a seabird, maybe the seabird is trying to tell you something about your screen time.