Look, we all have that one ex who just won't take the hint.
Turns out cats are the same, except they're better at navigation and worse at respecting boundaries.
A family in [generic American suburb] reportedly rehomed their orange tabby, Kevin, after he developed a habit of screaming at 4 a.m. for no discernible reason.
According to the family's now-viral Facebook post, Kevin was driven twelve miles to a friend's farm, where he was supposed to live out his days chasing mice and being someone else's problem.
Within nine days, Kevin was back on their porch, thinner, dirtier, and — per the post — "looking at us like WE did something wrong." Bold.
The comments section immediately split into two camps, as the internet does.
Camp One declared Kevin a loyal hero and the family monsters for giving him up.
Camp Two pointed out that this is a cat, and cats do not experience loyalty, only spite and a firm sense of property law.
Let's be real: nobody's asking the hard questions here.
How did Kevin cross what the post vaguely calls "the busy road"?
Or did he simply walk into traffic with the confidence of a man who has never once been held accountable?
We may never know, and Kevin's not talking.
Also, quick reality check for the "twelve miles" crowd.
That's roughly the distance from downtown to a mid-tier outlet mall.
Cats have been documented wandering several miles home, but twelve is doing a lot of narrative heavy lifting.
Did he catch a ride in a landscaping truck?
The post is also written by the people who abandoned him.
The friend's farm, by the way, has yet to comment.
What exactly happened at that farm, Kevin?
Anyway, the family says Kevin is staying now, and they've "learned their lesson." Sure they have.
Give it a month, and he'll be back to his 4 a.m. routine, and they'll be googling "cat boarding" like everyone else.
Our take: Kevin is not a hero, and the family is not evil.
This is just what happens when you treat a cat like a piece of furniture you can return.
Final Thoughts
And apparently, cats have excellent cardio.