After years of telling anyone within earshot that it was "just a matter of time," the world's favorite digital magic bean crossed the six-figure mark, and suddenly every guy who ever bought $200 worth in 2017 is a financial genius.
The crypto faithful are, predictably, insufferable.
Your college roommate who once tried to pay you back in Dogecoin is now posting yacht memes.
The guy from accounting has changed his Slack status to "decentralized, baby." Somewhere, a man who lost his wallet password in 2013 is staring at a wall, reconsidering every choice he's ever made.
For the uninitiated, Bitcoin is a currency that exists only on computers, has no CEO, no customer service line, and no way to yell at a manager when something goes wrong.
It's like regular money, except instead of the Fed, it's governed by vibes, math, and a guy named Satoshi who nobody has ever actually met.
The surge has dragged the entire crypto ecosystem along for the ride.
Ethereum is up, random altcoins with names like "FlokiBonk" are up, and the NFT you bought during the pandemic is somehow still worthless, which is genuinely impressive.
Financial advisors are doing that thing where they say "diversify" through clenched teeth while their clients screenshot Coinbase balances.
Meanwhile, the skeptics are having a rough week.
The same people who confidently declared Bitcoin "a bubble" in 2011, 2014, 2018, and 2022 are now quietly deleting tweets.
Warren Buffett still hates it, which historically has been a fantastic buy signal.
Even the SEC, which has spent years treating crypto like a raccoon in a trench coat, seems to have shrugged and moved on to other hobbies.
The real winners here are, as always, the people who bought early and forgot about it.
Not the day traders glued to charts at 3 a.m., not the influencers shilling coins from a rented Lambo, and definitely not the guy who took out a second mortgage to buy the top in 2021.
Just the lazy people who lost interest and won by default.
What happens next is anyone's guess, which is basically the entire pitch for crypto.
Nobody knows, and anyone who says they do is either lying or selling something.
That's not a bug to crypto fans—it's the whole feature.
Volatility is just "opportunity" wearing a scary hat.
The rest of us will keep watching from the sidelines, mildly amused and deeply confused, while our relatives forward us articles about "the future of finance" at 6 a.m. on a Tuesday. **Our take:** Bitcoin hitting six figures is less a triumph of technology and more a reminder that the economy runs on collective belief, same as it ever did.
If you got rich, congratulations—pay your taxes and stop posting.
If you didn't, don't sweat it; there's always some new digital coin promising to change everything.
Final Thoughts
That's not investing advice, that's just Tuesday.