Look, we need to talk about the fact that Apple TV+ apparently looked at the viewing numbers for a show about a bunch of British spies who can't stop stepping on rakes and said "yeah, give 'em more." Slow Horses is somehow getting a sixth season, which means Gary Oldman's Jackson Lamb will continue to be the human embodiment of a gas station bathroom that also does espionage.
For the uninitiated, this is the anti-James Bond.
No tuxedos, no Aston Martins, no martinis.
Just a sad office in London where MI5 dumps its screwups, and a boss who weaponizes flatulence and insults with equal precision.
It's the most realistic spy show on TV precisely because nothing ever goes right and nobody looks cool doing it.
Here's what we actually know about season six, in the grand tradition of prestige TV shows that refuse to tell us anything useful.
It will presumably exist at some point in the future, probably after we've all aged several years.
Apple announced it before season five even dropped, which is the streaming equivalent of ordering dessert while your entrée is still sitting in the kitchen.
The source material is Mick Herron's Slough House novels, and there are eight of them, so the show has plenty of runway.
Season six will presumably pull from the later books, which means more of the slow horses bumbling their way into conspiracies that are way above their pay grade.
The beauty of this show is that the bigger the mess, the funnier it gets.
What makes it work is that these characters are genuinely bad at their jobs, but not in a slapstick way.
They're bad because they got scapegoated, or burned out, or made one spectacular mistake that defined the rest of their careers.
It's a workplace comedy wrapped in a thriller, and the tonal juggling act shouldn't work but absolutely does.
The reason this matters beyond just "good show gets more episodes" is that Slow Horses has quietly become one of the best things on any streaming service, and almost nobody outside the terminally online talks about it.
It's the TV equivalent of a great band that only plays small venues.
Meanwhile, shows with a fraction of the quality get billboards in Times Square.
Also worth noting: Gary Oldman is doing career-best work here, and he looks like he's been sleeping in a dumpster behind a pub.
The man could be doing prestige Oscar bait and instead he's shuffling around in a stained coat insulting people.
Between this and Severance, the streamer has figured out that people will pay for genuinely weird prestige television if you just let the creatives cook.
It's a novel concept in an industry currently obsessed with cancelling anything that doesn't immediately become a cultural phenomenon.
No release date, no plot details, no nothing.
Just vibes and the implicit promise that Jackson Lamb will continue to be the worst boss in fiction while somehow being the only one who can save the day.
It's the most reliable thing in television right now.
Our take: Slow Horses getting six seasons while genuinely great shows get axed after one is either proof that quality still matters or proof that Apple has too much money and no idea what to do with it.
Final Thoughts
Just please, somebody get Gary Oldman a shower.