After years of lurking on the internet and assuming I was too boring to get targeted, some genius on a forum decided my home address was public property.
Congratulations to whoever you are, you absolute legend.
I made the mistake of commenting on a local subreddit about a city council vote, and apparently my take on parking minimums was so unhinged that someone felt compelled to find out where I live.
Within six hours, my address, my phone number, and a grainy photo of my dog were all posted in a thread titled something like "Meet Your Neighborhood NIMBY." Here's the fun part about doxxing in America: it's basically legal until it isn't.
There's no federal law against publishing someone's personal information, and most states are playing catch-up.
So unless the person explicitly threatens you or starts swatting, the cops treat it like a weird hobby you should probably just ignore.
Then the pizza deliveries I never ordered, which honestly was the least offensive part because free food is free food, even when it's a threat.
Then the fake Craigslist ad listing my couch as "free, first come first served," which led to a very confused guy named Dave standing in my driveway at 6 a.m.
Dave, if you're reading this, I hope you found a couch.
What nobody tells you about doxxing is how boring the aftermath actually is.
You spend weeks jumping every time your phone buzzes.
You stop posting anything remotely personal.
You Google your own name compulsively like a narcissist with a stalker problem.
Your entire digital footprint becomes a liability, and you realize you've been handing out pieces of your identity for free for a decade like an idiot.
The people who do this love to frame it as accountability.
They're just "holding you responsible." But there's a big difference between criticizing someone's opinion and posting their address so a thousand strangers can decide what to do with it.
The other is a loaded gun with a bow on top.
I filed a police report, which accomplished exactly nothing.
I reported the posts, which accomplished slightly less.
I changed my phone number, tightened every privacy setting I could find, and started using a PO box for anything that required a mailing address.
My dog, for the record, is fine and remains blissfully unaware that he's internet famous.
The kicker is that the original argument was about parking spaces.
I got doxxed over a land-use debate, which might be the most American thing that's ever happened to me.
Land of the free, home of the guy who will find out where you live because you said his truck shouldn't get a tax break.
If you've ever posted someone's personal information just because you disagreed with them, you're not a crusader, you're a coward with a Wi-Fi connection.
Final Thoughts
And if you're the person who sent me that free pizza, I hope your parking is always terrible.