Somewhere in America right now, a seventh grader is being called "brace face" by a kid whose own teeth look like a dropped bag of dice.
But here's the plot twist nobody saw coming: the orthodontically burdened are quietly winning at life, and the science is finally catching up to what every metal-mouthed tween already suspected.
The average run is somewhere between $3,000 and $7,000, which means the kid wearing them is basically a walking down payment.
While the rest of us were blowing our allowances on candy and regret, these kids were walking around with the equivalent of a used Honda strapped to their faces.
And yet, for decades, we treated them like they'd lost some kind of genetic lottery.
The agonizing monthly tightenings that made eating an apple feel like chewing on a doorknob.
All of it was supposedly the price of a "nice smile," which adults kept promising would matter someday, in the same vague way they promised that algebra would.
Turns out the adults weren't entirely lying, which is genuinely annoying.
Crooked teeth are harder to clean, and misaligned bites can cause uneven wear that turns into real dental bills down the road.
Straightening things out early isn't vanity—it's basically financial planning with a retainer at the end.
The kid who got braces in sixth grade has straight teeth, a decent jawline, and zero interest in reliving middle school.
The kid who mocked them is now an adult paying out of pocket for clear aligners at 34 because their parents figured it would "work itself out." It does not work itself out.
There's also the invisible-braces crowd, the Invisalign disciples who swear it's painless.
You still get the sore mouth, the lisp, and the joy of removing a plastic tray in a restaurant bathroom while strangers judge you.
Meanwhile, the old-school metal braces have made a comeback among the chronically online, because apparently irony is a renewable resource.
Teens are now decorating them with colored bands and posting the whole journey for engagement.
The same accessory that once triggered playground cruelty is now content.
So here's the takeaway, delivered with all the warmth of a dentist's drill: if you're a kid with braces, congratulations, you're playing the long game while everyone else is stuck in the short one.
If you're an adult who skipped it and you're now self-conscious in every photo, that's between you and your bank account.
Final Thoughts
Just know the middle schoolers you once laughed at are doing fine, thanks for asking.