So Benjamin Netanyahu, the man who has been a fixture in Israeli politics since roughly the invention of the fax machine, is now getting crowned "king" by his own coalition.
A sitting prime minister being referred to as royalty in a country that literally does not have a monarch is the kind of plot twist that would get rejected from a Netflix political drama for being too on the nose.
The "King Bibi" branding isn't exactly new—his supporters have slapped that label on him for years like a bumper sticker on a Honda Civic.
But the timing here is doing a lot of heavy lifting.
After everything that's gone down recently, rolling out the monarchy aesthetic feels less like confidence and more like a guy putting a "World's Best Dad" mug in the divorce lawyer's office.
Meanwhile, Israel's political scene keeps functioning like a reality show where nobody gets voted off the island, they just get indicted and then come back for another season.
Netanyahu has survived scandals, elections, and more coalition collapses than a Jenga tower in an earthquake.
Calling him a king at this point is almost underselling the resume—dude's basically a cockroach in a nice suit, and I mean that with a weird amount of respect.
International observers are watching this whole thing with the enthusiasm of someone who just got seated next to a crying baby on a fourteen-hour flight.
The word "king" carries some baggage, especially in a region where actual monarchies exist and are watching their neighbor play dress-up with the concept.
It's like your friend showing up to a black-tie gala in a Halloween costume and insisting nobody notices.
Domestically, the reactions are split down the usual lines.
Supporters see a strong leader who needs a strong mandate.
Critics see a guy who's been in power so long he probably has the office furniture molded to his exact specifications and refuses to give up the chair.
Both sides agree on approximately nothing, which is the only bipartisan consensus left in the entire region.
The real question nobody's asking: if Bibi is the king, who's the heir?
Because succession planning doesn't seem to be on the agenda, and the man's political survival instincts make a honey badger look like a quitter.
The crown, such as it is, appears to be a lifetime appointment with no refunds.
Look, every country has that one politician who just won't leave the stage, and calling them a king is basically the political equivalent of a participation trophy with extra glitter.
But crowning someone in a democracy is like putting a spoiler on a minivan—it doesn't make it faster, it just makes everyone stare.
Final Thoughts
If this is what passes for a coronation in 2024, I'd hate to see the after-party.