After 20 Years of Saying "We Should Hang Out Sometime," Local Man Finally Hangs Out With Someone
**By our totally real correspondent | 6 min read**
COLUMBUS, OH — In a development that has stunned friends, family, and at least three people who vaguely recognized him at a Kroger, local man Dave Brennan, 41, has officially hung out with someone after reportedly saying "we should hang out sometime" approximately 4,000 times over the past two decades.
The historic event occurred Saturday at a Buffalo Wild Wings, where Brennan and former college roommate Kevin Doyle split an order of wings and spent 90 minutes discussing a fantasy football league neither of them has cared about since 2016.
"It just kind of happened," said Brennan, visibly shaken, speaking to reporters from his garage, where he had retreated to "process." "I said 'we should hang out' like I always do, and then Kevin said 'yeah, let's actually do it,' and I panicked and gave him a date. Next thing I know, I'm putting on pants on a Saturday."
Experts are calling the hangout a "statistical anomaly" in the field of adult male friendship, a category of relationship widely believed to exist only in theory once both parties turn 30.
According to a 2023 study from the University of Michigan, the average American adult says "we should hang out sometime" 14 times per week and actually follows through on 0.3 percent of those invitations. The remaining 99.7 percent are what sociologists refer to as "polite social vapor."
"These phrases function as a verbal handshake," explained Dr. Linda Marsh, a sociologist who has studied adult friendship decline for years. "They signal warmth without creating obligation. They are, essentially, the thoughts and prayers of social interaction."
The Brennan-Doyle hangout nearly didn't happen. Sources confirm that Brennan attempted to reschedule four times, citing a vague "thing with the dog," a work email he described as "kind of urgent," and, at one point, "the weather, probably."
Doyle, for his part, almost bailed after realizing the outing would require him to leave his house during football season.
But both men pushed through. Witnesses at the Buffalo Wild Wings described the scene as "awkward but functional," with the two men alternating between genuine laughter and long, loaded silences during which both stared at the same television screen showing a college football game neither could name the teams of.
At one point, Brennan reportedly asked Doyle how his kids were doing. Doyle asked Brennan how his job was going. Both men answered in fewer than 12 words and then returned to the wings, which is considered a record for emotional vulnerability among American males aged 35-50.
The conversation reportedly touched on several topics, including:
- A guy from college neither of them has spoken to in 15 years, whom they both agreed was "a lot"
- The rising cost of everything
- Whether they should do this more often (they will not)
- A brief, harrowing moment when Brennan almost brought up politics before catching himself and asking about Doyle's lawn instead
The hangout lasted 90 minutes, which experts say is the exact length of time required for two adult men to remember they like each other but also remember why they stopped doing this.
"It was great," Brennan said. "Really great. We're definitely going to do it again soon."
When pressed on what "soon" meant, Brennan clarified: "You know. Soon."
Doyle echoed the sentiment. "Yeah, we should hang out more," he told reporters, before adding that he'd "text Dave sometime" — a phrase that, according to linguistic researchers, is the adult male equivalent of "let's circle back," "I'll ping you," and "we'll see."
The two men have not spoken since Saturday. Both have, however, liked each other's Instagram stories, which experts confirm is the modern equivalent of a firm handshake and a promise to do this again next quarter.
As of press time, Brennan was back in his garage, scrolling his phone, and had already told three separate people they should hang out sometime.
Final Thoughts
Here are a few options, written from the perspective of a seasoned journalist:
**Option 1 (Focus on the cyclical nature of history):**
"After decades of watching 'afters' follow one another in wearying succession, I've come to distrust the word's promise of finality; it is less a destination than a brief pause before the next 'before.' If this article proves anything, it's that we don't so much move past our turning points as we learn to carry them, rewriting their meaning with every year we put between us and them."
**Option 2 (Focus on the human cost):**
"What struck me most in reporting this piece is how rarely the people who live through an 'after' recognize they're in one until it's already hardening into memory. We are, all of us, poor archivists of our own turning points—too close to the wreckage