So ABC just dropped its fall lineup, and folks, it’s giving “we found these scripts in a desk drawer from 2014 and hoped nobody would notice.” The network that once gave us *Lost* and *Modern Family* is now betting the farm on yet another doctor show, another firefighter drama, and a reboot of something you vaguely remember watching at your grandma’s house.
Let’s run the numbers, because somebody has to.
According to the upfront presentation, ABC is rolling out three new dramas and two comedies, and exactly zero of them sound like they were written by a human who has spoken to another human since 2019.
One is about a “brilliant but troubled surgeon.” Groundbreaking.
I haven’t seen that since… every other show on television.
Meanwhile, the network is quietly shuffling *The Rookie* around like a dad trying to hide a bad report card.
And don’t even get me started on the game shows.
Apparently, if you can’t write a script, just put a celebrity in a room with a buzzer and call it content.
Somewhere, a focus group is nodding approvingly while eating a lukewarm catered sandwich.
Streaming ate their lunch, their parent company is bleeding cash, and the safest bet in the boardroom is always “more of the same, but slightly cheaper.” So we get procedural copaganda, medical melodrama, and a laugh track that sounds like it was recorded in 1997.
If you love shows where attractive people solve crimes in under 42 minutes while occasionally hugging, congratulations, you’re eating good this fall.
If you want anything weird, ambitious, or remotely original?
That’s what streaming is for—until they cancel it after one season, anyway. **The Take:** ABC’s fall slate isn’t a creative vision; it’s a risk-aversion spreadsheet with a laugh track.
The network is programming for the audience that never changed the channel, and everyone else is just background noise.
Final Thoughts
Enjoy your fifth medical drama, I guess—just don’t get attached.