PHOENIX — In a development that has paleontologists thrilled and the rest of us questioning our life choices, a group of tourists at the Grand Canyon have stumbled upon a 280-million-year-old fossil that experts are calling "the most important find in decades," which is a fun way of saying "something that was there the whole time and we just never noticed."
The fossil, a set of well-preserved reptile tracks embedded in a sandstone slab near the Bright Angel Trail, was discovered when a visitor from Ohio named Gary stepped off the marked path to take a photo of himself ignoring safety signs. While posing, he reportedly tripped over what he assumed was a rock, which is also how most of us discover the consequences of our actions.
"I thought it was just a weird rock," Gary told reporters, still visibly shaken and also still visibly wearing socks with sandals. "Then my wife said it looked like little claws, and I said, 'Babe, that's just a rock,' and then a park ranger started yelling at me and then everyone was yelling and then someone called a scientist."
National Park Service officials confirmed the tracks belong to a small, lizard-like creature that predated the dinosaurs by roughly 30 million years, roaming what was then a muddy floodplain rather than the soul-crushing tourist destination it is today. The find could offer new insight into early reptile locomotion, climate conditions of the Permian period, and how quickly a vacation can pivot from "scenic" to "scientifically significant."
The Grand Canyon, for those unfamiliar, is a massive hole in Arizona that people travel thousands of miles to look at, take photos of, and then immediately ask where the nearest Starbucks is. It was formed over roughly six million years by the Colorado River, which is a long time, but apparently not long enough for anyone to notice a major fossil sitting near a trail that millions of people have walked.
Paleontologists from the Museum of Northern Arizona have since excavated the slab, which will be studied and eventually displayed. The NPS has reminded visitors not to remove rocks, fossils, or anything else from the park, a rule that exists because people keep trying to take pieces of a national landmark home in their carry-on.
In a statement, the Park Service thanked Gary for his accidental contribution to science while also gently reminding him that he was, technically, off-trail. Gary has reportedly been issued a warning and a lifetime of being introduced at parties as "the guy who found the fossil by breaking the rules."
The discovery has already sparked a wave of amateur fossil hunters descending on the canyon, most of whom will find nothing but dirt, disappointment, and a strong urge to buy a $14 bottle of water. Experts say the odds of a casual visitor finding something comparable are roughly one in several million, which is also the odds of getting a campsite reservation during peak season.
**Opinion:** It's genuinely amazing that a guy named Gary ignoring basic trail etiquette advanced science more than most of us will in our entire careers. That said, the real lesson here is that the universe rewards people who wander off the path, which is also the exact thing every park ranger screams at you not to do. So maybe just stay on the trail and let Gary take the heat.