Somewhere in the great state of Ohio, a man has achieved what historians will likely call "peak American." His name is Derek, he's 34, he owns three air fryers and a pellet grill he doesn't know how to use, and he just ate forty rotisserie chickens in thirty days. Not for charity. Not for a YouTube channel with a sponsorship deal. He did it to win a bet against his brother-in-law, Kevin.
Let me explain, because you deserve context before you judge this man. According to Derek's now-viral Reddit post on r/mildlyinfuriating — which is where all great American literature is published now — the whole thing started at a July 4th cookout. Kevin, a man who apparently majored in being insufferable, claimed nobody could eat a Costco rotisserie chicken every day for a month without getting sick of them. Derek, fueled by Miller Lite and a lifetime of sibling-adjacent resentment, said "watch me."
The stakes? Kevin had to mow Derek's lawn for a year. Derek had to pay for the chickens himself. And folks, at $4.99 a bird, this man spent roughly two hundred bucks to avoid doing yard work. Honestly? Respect. That's the most financially irresponsible act of spite I've seen since my cousin bought a boat to make his ex-wife mad.
Now, before the nutrition police show up in the comments — and they will, they always do — yes, eating 40 whole chickens in 30 days is objectively unhinged. That's roughly 1.3 birds a day. Derek reportedly averaged about 2,400 calories a day from poultry alone, which is fine if you're a competitive eater or a golden retriever. He is neither. He's a regional sales manager who describes his hobbies as "grilling" and "watching the Browns lose."
The medical community, predictably, had thoughts. A gastroenterologist told a local news affiliate that Derek's sodium intake was "a hate crime against his own kidneys." Derek's response, posted at 2:47 AM with the confidence of a man who had just discovered the block button: "I'm fine. I drink water."
He was not fine. By day 19, Derek admitted he was dreaming about chickens. Not eating them — the chickens were talking to him. By day 25, his wife reportedly threatened divorce if he brought one more rotisserie chicken into the house. He started eating them in his car, in the Costco parking lot, like a raccoon with a credit card.
But here's the thing that makes this story truly American: Derek won. Kevin mowed the lawn last Saturday. Derek watched from the porch, eating — you guessed it — a rotisserie chicken. He says he hasn't had one since. He also says he'd do it again, which tells you everything you need to know about the male ego and the enduring power of not wanting to push a lawnmower.
The internet, of course, did what the internet does. Half of Reddit called him a legend. The other half called him a cautionary tale about the American healthcare system. Both are correct. A GoFundMe for his cholesterol medication raised $340 before Derek shut it down, saying he "didn't want charity, just for Kevin to suffer."
So what have we learned? That spite is the most powerful force in the universe. That $4.99 is a dangerous price point. And that somewhere out there, Kevin is pushing a mower, thinking about his life choices, while Derek sits in an air-conditioned living room, victorious, presumably still burping up rosemary.
**The Take:** Derek is an idiot and a hero, which is basically the American dream in a nutshell. Kevin deserved it. And if you're reading this and thinking "I could do that," no you couldn't, and your doctor would like a word.