In a legal development that experts are calling "peak 2024" and "a cry for help wrapped in a filing fee," a Florida woman has filed a lawsuit against herself, and a local judge has reportedly allowed it to proceed because, honestly, at this point, why not.
Karen Delgado, 43, of Tampa, is suing one Karen Delgado for emotional distress, lost wages, and "general vibes-based negligence," alleging that the defendant — who is also the plaintiff, and also her — has been "recklessly ruining her life for approximately four decades." The complaint cites specific incidents, including a 2019 decision to text an ex at 2 a.m., a 2021 purchase of a Peloton that has since become a very expensive towel rack, and an ongoing refusal to drink water.
"I'm seeking damages because I deserve them, and I'm the only one who'll pay up," Delgado told local reporters, standing outside the courthouse in a hoodie that read "It's Not a Phase, Mom." "Honestly, this is the healthiest relationship I've had in years. At least I show up."
Legal scholars are baffled. Or they were, for about nine minutes, until they remembered which state we're talking about.
"You cannot sue yourself," said one attorney who asked not to be named, presumably because he doesn't want to be associated with this. "It's a logical paradox. It's a snake eating its own tail. It's also, apparently, on the docket for Tuesday."
Judge Marcus Webb, who has presided over this county's circuit court for 17 years, reportedly reviewed the filing, sighed audibly for eleven seconds, and said, "Ma'am, I've seen worse this week. Proceed."
When reached for comment, Webb added, "Look, I've got a guy in here suing a squirrel. I've got a woman trying to subpoena the moon. This one at least has paperwork. Let her have her day."
The defendant could not be reached for comment, because she is the plaintiff, and she was standing right there, and she said, "I have no comment," then immediately commented, "Actually, no, I do — she knows what she did."
Legal experts note that even if Delgado wins, she'll have to pay herself the settlement, which means she'll technically break even, minus attorney fees, which she'll also owe herself. Some are calling it "the most efficient lawsuit in American history." Others are calling it "a sign that we should maybe bring back boredom."
The case has already gone viral on social media, where users have flooded the comments with variations of "she's so real for this" and "not me getting secondhand embarrassment from a woman I've never met." One X user wrote, "Finally, someone holding me accountable for my own actions. Oh wait. She IS me." The post has 2.3 million likes.
Delgado says she plans to represent herself in court, because "anyone else would just be a middleman." She has also filed a countersuit, against herself, for countersuing, which she says is "retaliatory and frankly beneath me."
When asked if she's worried about the emotional toll of testifying against herself, she said, "I've been doing that for years. This time I just get a robe and a gavel."
The trial is scheduled for next month, assuming Delgado doesn't settle with herself out of court, which she says is "unlikely, because I'm being really difficult."
**Opinion:** This is either the most honest thing anyone's ever done or the final boss of therapy avoidance, and I can't tell which, and honestly, neither can she. File it under "things we only tolerate because it's Florida."