In a legal development that has stunned absolutely no one who has ever watched reality television, a San Diego woman named Brenda Kowalski is suing ABC for what her lawyers are calling "intentional infliction of rose-related emotional distress" stemming from a decade of watching *The Bachelor* franchise.
The 47-page complaint, filed Monday in a California court that has clearly seen weirder stuff, alleges that ABC knowingly and willfully subjected Kowalski to "an unreasonable quantity of tears, helicopter dates, and men named Chad" between 2014 and 2024. The suit seeks $4.7 million in damages, roughly the cost of one (1) Neil Lane engagement ring that will be returned within six weeks.
"I just wanted to watch people find love," Kowalski told reporters outside the courthouse, clutching a wine glass she described as "emotionally necessary." "Instead, I got twenty seasons of producers whispering 'can I steal you for a sec' while I screamed at my television like a raccoon trapped in a dumpster."
Legal experts are calling the case "creative," which is lawyer-speak for "please let this go to trial so we can all watch."
ABC's legal team responded with a statement arguing that viewers "knowingly entered into a contract with chaos" the moment they pressed play. The network also noted that Kowalski watched 212 episodes voluntarily, including the one where a guy jumped a fence in a hoodie, which the defense describes as "a reasonable person's cue to stop."
The case has ignited a firestorm on social media, where users debated whether ABC owes damages to literally everyone who sat through *The Bachelorette* finale where the lead chose a guy who was clearly there for Instagram followers.
"I've been in a parasocial relationship with a rotating cast of dental salesmen for nine years," wrote one Reddit user. "Where's my settlement?"
Others pointed out that the real crime isn't emotional distress, it's the two-hour "After the Final Rose" specials that somehow contain eleven minutes of actual content and forty-nine minutes of Chris Harrison saying "the most dramatic season yet."
Kowalski's legal team is reportedly seeking class-action status, which would include millions of Americans who have ever yelled "he's not here for the right reasons" at a screen. If certified, the class could be larger than the population of several small nations and would almost certainly be more emotionally stable.
ABC has not commented on whether it plans to settle or drag the case out through a series of dramatic, poorly lit courtroom scenes featuring ominous music and someone crying in a limo.
In the meantime, Kowalski says she's stopped watching the show entirely, which her therapist describes as "the healthiest decision she's made in a decade." She's now considering legal action against HGTV for making her believe she could afford a house.
The trial is scheduled for sometime next year, assuming it doesn't get postponed for the premiere of *Bachelor in Paradise: Legal Edition*, in which contestants argue motions in bikinis for a chance at love and a modest settlement.
**Opinion:** Look, if we're being honest, ABC owes all of us something — maybe not millions, but at least an apology for the "most dramatic season yet" that was, in fact, exactly as dramatic as the last one. Brenda's fighting the good fight, even if her odds are about as good as a contestant who admits they're "not here for the right reasons" on night one.