Costco Shopper Gets Roasted Alive After Asking 'Is Costco Open Today?' on Reddit
Look, I get it. We live in a world where people ask Google “how to boil water” and “what time is it right now?” without a hint of irony. But there’s a special circle of digital hell reserved for the person who, on a perfectly normal Tuesday morning, logged onto Reddit’s r/Costco subreddit and asked the question that broke the algorithm: “Is Costco open today?”
The post, which has since been deleted by the OP (probably to flee the country), was a masterclass in weaponized incompetence. The user, u/throwaway_tires2024, asked the community if their local warehouse was open on what appeared to be a random weekday. No holiday. No apocalyptic snowstorm. No global pandemic surge. Just a regular-ass Tuesday.
And Reddit, being the benevolent digital lynch mob it is, did not disappoint.
“Bro, I’m literally inside a Costco right now,” commented u/ForkliftCertified420. “I’m looking at the rotisserie chicken warmer. It’s glowing like the Ark of the Covenant. If you don’t show up in the next 20 minutes, I’m buying your share of the 5-pound bag of jalapeño poppers.”
The thread quickly devolved into a roast session that would make a Michelin-star chef weep. “Is Costco open today?” u/SampleLadyNoMercy quoted back. “No, they actually closed down the $240 billion behemoth just to spite you specifically. Go back to bed.”
But here’s the thing: this isn’t just about one lazy idiot who forgot that smartphones have a built-in app called “Google.” This is about the state of the American consumer. We have become a nation of people who would rather ask a stranger on the internet if it’s raining outside than look out the window. We have the collective knowledge of humanity in our pockets, and we’re using it to ask if a store that hasn’t closed for anything short of a biblical plague is, in fact, open.
The post gained traction faster than a Black Friday stampede on a 75-inch TV. Within hours, it had 4,000 upvotes and 800 comments, almost all of them variations of “Yes, you absolute walnut.” One user, u/BulkBuyer3000, took the time to create a flow chart. It started with “Is it a Sunday?” If yes: “Yes, but closes at 6 PM, you degenerate.” If no: “Yes, you lazy piece of shit.” Another user, clearly a veteran of the trenches, posted a screenshot of the Costco website’s hours page with a red circle around the word “OPEN” and the caption “Reading is hard, huh?”
The OP tried to defend themselves. They claimed they were “new to Costco” and “didn’t want to drive 20 minutes for nothing.” This is where the AITA energy really kicked in. Because let’s be real: we all knew this was a cry for attention. This wasn’t a genuine question. This was someone who wanted to feel the warm embrace of internet interaction. They wanted to be told, “Yes, it’s open, welcome to the cult, here’s your free sample of a protein bar that tastes like cardboard and regret.”
Instead, they got the full force of Reddit’s pent-up aggression.
“I can’t believe I’m defending Costco,” wrote u/ExecChefTony. “But this place literally has a pharmacy, a gas station, a food court, and a tire center. It’s not a lemonade stand run by a 10-year-old who goes home when the streetlights come on. It’s open. Always. Unless the building is actively on fire. And even then, there’s probably a skeleton crew selling hot dogs from a cart in the parking lot.”
The thread eventually morphed into a philosophical debate about the nature of modern convenience. Someone argued that asking “Is Costco open today?” is the digital equivalent of calling your mom to ask if you need a jacket. Another user, clearly a boomer who found their way to the subreddit by accident, posted “Back in my day, we looked at the door.” The ratio of downvotes to upvotes on that comment? Still unclear. But the sentiment was pure.
Let’s talk about Costco’s actual hours for a second. Because this is the part that makes the whole thing even funnier. Costco is open Monday through Friday from 10 AM to 8:30 PM. Saturday is 9:30 AM to 6 PM. Sunday is 10 AM to 6 PM. They close on Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Day. That’s it. Four days a year. Four.
So unless it was one of those four days, the answer was always going to be “yes, you absolute donut.”
The funniest comment in the entire thread came from u/CartonOfEggs, who wrote: “I checked the Costco ghost. I consulted the Costco oracle. I sacrificed a sample of Kirkland vodka to the warehouse gods. Their answer: Yes. It’s open. But they don’t want you there anymore.”
That’s the kicker, isn’t it? The OP probably did go to Costco. They probably walked in, got their 1.50 hot dog and soda combo, bought a 36-pack of toilet paper they didn’t need, and felt the shame of a thousand downvotes burning in their soul. And you know what? That’s the American dream. We don’t learn from history. We learn from internet humiliation.
This whole saga is a perfect microcosm of why the internet is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, we have access to the world’s information at our fingertips. On the other hand, we have people using that access to ask if a giant warehouse club is open on a Tuesday. We are living in a simulation, and the simulation is running on dial-up.
The post has since been
Final Thoughts
After reading through the typical holiday hours and location-specific closures, it becomes clear that navigating Costco’s schedule is less about a universal “open or closed” rule and more about understanding the retailer’s deliberate operational philosophy. The underlying takeaway here is that Costco prioritizes employee welfare and operational efficiency over 24/7 convenience, which is a rare and commendable stance in an era of relentless consumer demand. Ultimately, asking “Is Costco open today?” isn’t just a logistical question—it’s a litmus test for whether you respect a company that treats its workers as assets, not liabilities.