TRUMP DEMANDS HIS FACE ON MOUNT RUSHMORE – AND THE WHITE HOUSE IS ALREADY DRAWING UP PLANS!
EXCLUSIVE: SOURCES REVEAL SHOCKING MEETING WITH SCULPTORS – AMERICA, HOLD ONTO YOUR FLAG!
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a move that has left historians FURIOUS, tourists BAFFLED, and political pundits SPEECHLESS, sources close to the White House have confirmed that President Donald J. Trump has EXPLODED with a demand that his likeness be ADDED to Mount Rushmore – and the clock is already ticking on the most controversial carving project in American history.
“He wants it done. Not in a hundred years. Not in fifty. NOW,” a senior aide whispered to this reporter, glancing over their shoulder as if the ghost of George Washington himself might be listening. “He said, ‘Those four guys are great, but they’re missing the best part of the story. ME.’”
Yes, you read that right. The iconic granite monument in the Black Hills of South Dakota, which has stared stoically at the American heartland for nearly a century, is about to get a MASSIVE, CONTROVERSIAL FACELIFT. And insiders say the President is NOT backing down.
The revelation came to light after a SECRET, late-night meeting at the White House last Thursday. According to leaked notes obtained exclusively by this outlet, Trump summoned a team of the nation’s top stone carvers, structural engineers, and – bizarrely – his own hair stylist, to discuss the “aesthetics” of the addition.
“He was furious that Teddy Roosevelt didn’t have a bigger chin,” the aide continued. “He kept pointing at the mountain and saying, ‘Look at that! It’s a disaster! My chin is WAY more powerful. My hair is WAY more majestic. America deserves to see the FACE OF VICTORY up there.’”
The proposed design, which we have seen in a PRELIMINARY sketch, is SHOCKING. It places Trump’s face – noticeably larger than the other four presidents – to the RIGHT of Abraham Lincoln. The sketch shows a signature, defiant, smirking expression, with a full head of wind-swept, golden-brown hair. Sources say the President specifically demanded the hair be carved “with extra volume” and that the nose be “IMPRESSIVE.”
“He asked if they could make it look like he was winking,” another source revealed. “He said it would be ‘a strong, powerful wink that says, I’m in charge.’”
But the logistical nightmare is REAL. Mount Rushmore is a NATIONAL SHRINE. The rock is sacred to the Lakota Sioux, who consider the entire Black Hills region stolen land. The carving itself is a meticulously preserved piece of 20th-century artistry. Adding a new face would require BLASTING, DRILLING, and potentially DESTABILIZING the entire monument.
“This is not a Lego set,” Dr. Harold Finch, a professor of American history at Georgetown University, told us, his voice trembling with disbelief. “This is a UNESCO World Heritage site-level icon. The idea of adding a fifth face – ANY fifth face – is sacrilege. But adding the face of a sitting president who is still in office? It’s the most narcissistic, grandiose, historically illiterate thing I have ever heard. It’s like building a pyramid for yourself while you’re still alive.”
But supporters of the plan are just as VOCAL. A new PAC called “Rushmore for Trump” has already raised over $2 million in online donations. Their slogan? “FOUR IS BORING. FIVE IS THRIVING.”
“He’s the greatest president since Lincoln! Maybe better!” shouted a woman at a recent rally, clutching a “Trump 2024: Rushmore Edition” t-shirt. “He deserves to be up there with the giants. He IS a giant! Look at the economy! Look at the wall! Look at his tan! It’s PERFECT granite material!”
The National Park Service, meanwhile, is in a STATE OF PANIC. Internal memos show they have been ordered to “explore feasibility” but have privately warned the White House that the project would cost an estimated $400 million, take over a decade, and likely cause IRREPARABLE DAMAGE to the existing carvings.
“The structural integrity is the main concern,” a Park Service geologist said, speaking on condition of anonymity. “You have to remember, the mountain is already 70% carved away. Adding a fifth face, especially one that the President insists must be ‘the most prominent,’ would require us to carve into the core of the mountain. We’re talking about a risk of a massive rockfall. It could destroy Washington’s face. Or Jefferson’s. Or all of them. It’s insane.”
But does the President care about the science? OF COURSE NOT.
According to our sources, Trump has already dismissed the concerns. “He said, ‘I’ve built taller buildings in a weekend. These guys are slow. Get me the dynamite. And get me the good dynamite, not the cheap Chinese stuff,’” the aide recounted.
And the political fallout is already reaching DETONATION LEVELS. Democrats are calling it a “dictatorial power grab.” Republicans are nervously silent, with a few fringe members quietly supporting the idea. The Lakota Nation has issued a statement calling the plan “the ultimate act of colonial disrespect.”
But the most TERRIFYING part? The President has reportedly set a DEADLINE: his 78th birthday.
“He wants the carving finished by June 14, 2025,” the aide confirmed. “He wants to hold his birthday party on the viewing deck, with the face behind him. He said, ‘It will be the greatest birthday photo in the history of the world. The media will have to use it. They will have no choice.’”
Meanwhile, a small team of rogue sculptors from a secret facility in Nevada has already been hired. They are working on a scale model in a warehouse near Area 51. The model is said to be
Final Thoughts
After decades of covering presidential egos and their monuments, it’s clear this isn’t just about carving another face into granite—it’s about the dangerous conflation of personal legacy with national identity. The very act of suggesting one’s own likeness alongside Washington and Lincoln betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of the humility and historical distance required for such a hallowed tribute. Ultimately, the debate over Trump on Mount Rushmore reveals less about a presidential legacy and more about how we, as a nation, have allowed the spectacle of personality to erode the very solemnity we claim to preserve.