Karlie Kloss Is a Tech Gal Now, and She Just Wants You to Know She’s *Definitely* Not a Supermodel Anymore (Please Clap)
Look, I get it. Being a supermodel is so 2014. Why walk a runway when you can walk into a boardroom and explain blockchain to a bunch of dudes in Patagonia vests who still think “crypto” is just a fun weekend hobby? Karlie Kloss, the 6'2" giraffe-goddess who once graced every single magazine cover your dentist had in his waiting room, has apparently decided that being a literal human clothes hanger is beneath her now. She’s a tech entrepreneur. A venture capitalist. A coder. And she wants you to know about it. Loudly. With a side of kale.
In a recent interview that was probably conducted in a glass-walled office that smells like eucalyptus and unearned privilege, Kloss dropped the intellectual equivalent of a mic. She said she “never felt like the smartest person in the room” during her modeling days. Wow. Groundbreaking. The woman who made a career out of standing still and looking slightly constipated for a camera feels like she’s finally flexing her brain muscles. Good for her. Really. I’m not crying, you’re crying.
But let’s be real, Karlie. You’re not “leaving” modeling. You’re just adding a second, more irritating layer to your brand. It’s like when your ex says they’re “taking a break from social media” but still posts 47 Instagram stories about their sourdough starter. You’re not gone. You’re just rebranding. You’re the Taylor Swift of tall women—except instead of writing breakup songs, you’re writing checks to startups that probably sell artisanal dog water.
The whole “model-turned-tech-bro” pipeline is peak 2024 cringe. First, there was Tyra Banks trying to sell us on “modelling” as a legitimate business degree. Now we have Karlie Kloss, who went to NYU for a hot second, learned how to write a for-loop in Python, and suddenly she’s the female Elon Musk without the Twitter meltdowns (yet). She founded Kode With Klossy, a coding camp for girls, which is actually a legit good thing. But the way she talks about it, you’d think she invented the internet. “I’m building a pipeline of female tech leaders,” she says, while standing next to a $4,000 handbag. Okay, queen. Slay. But also, please stop pretending you’re relatable.
The interview in question—probably from *The Wall Street Journal* or some other publication that thinks “disruption” is a personality trait—had Karlie talking about her “journey” from the runway to the boardroom. She said she’s “always been a builder.” Builds what? A social media presence? A brand? A wall between her and the poors? She’s “building” a portfolio of investments in companies like Zola and SoulCycle. Wow, groundbreaking. She’s investing in things rich people already like. Elon Musk is building rockets. Karlie is building a comfortable retirement.
And let’s not ignore the elephant in the room: the Kushner connection. Karlie married Joshua Kushner, the slightly less creepy brother of Jared Kushner, who is basically the human equivalent of a wet cardboard box. The Kushner family is swimming in so much money that Scrooge McDuck would be jealous. So when Karlie says she’s “building an empire,” remember that she started on Hard Mode: “Access to unlimited capital and a brother-in-law who might have helped sink democracy.” But sure, tell me more about your “hustle” and “grind,” Karlie. Tell me about the late nights you spent coding while your nanny watched your kids in your Tribeca loft.
The worst part? She’s probably right. She is smart. She *is* a tech mogul now. And that’s what makes it so infuriating. Karlie Kloss could literally fall into a pile of manure and come out smelling like a rose-scented NFT. She’s the perfect product of a system that rewards beautiful people for being slightly less dumb than expected. “Oh wow, a model who can code? Give her a TED Talk and a $10 million seed round!” Meanwhile, actual engineers with 20 years of experience are eating ramen and getting laid off from Meta.
But hey, at least she’s not Gisele. Gisele is out here crying about football. Karlie is out here trying to make “coding camp” sound as glamorous as a Victoria’s Secret runway. And you know what? It’s working. Her net worth is like $40 million. She’s fine. She’s more than fine. She’s thriving. And she wants you to know that she’s thriving *intellectually* now, not just aesthetically.
So go ahead, Karlie. Keep posting your photos from the Met Gala with a caption about “women in STEM.” Keep wearing a hoodie that says “Hello World” while standing next to a Bugatti. Keep pretending that the only thing standing between a supermodel and a Silicon Valley CEO is a few coding classes and a trust fund.
We see you. We applaud you. And we’re also rolling our eyes so hard they might fall out of our skulls. You’re not the first model to try this, and you won’t be the last. But you’re definitely the most annoying about it.
And to the rest of us normies? Just remember: Karlie Kloss didn’t leave the runway. She just added a laptop to the photoshoot.
Final Thoughts
After covering Karlie Kloss’s evolution from runway star to tech entrepreneur, it’s clear her real genius isn’t just her stride—it’s her ability to pivot with precision. While many models fade into side projects, Kloss has built an enduring brand by betting on education and accessibility, proving that in an industry built on image, lasting influence comes from substance. The takeaway? She’s not just a model who coded; she’s a case study in how to rewrite your own narrative without losing your audience.