# Local Man Becomes Batshit Crazy After Refusing Rabies Vaccine, Doctor Says “We Told You So”
You know how every time you see a bat flopping around like a drunk toddler in broad daylight, your brain goes “aww, poor little guy”? Yeah, stop that. Because that “cute” bat is basically a flying biohazard syringe with wings, and one dude in Ohio just learned that the hard way.
Meet Kyle, 34, of Canton, Ohio. He’s a “free thinker,” an “essential oils enthusiast,” and as of last Tuesday, a proud new member of the “I Have Rabies And I Refuse To Die Quietly” club. Let’s just say his decision to “trust his immune system” instead of getting a post-exposure vaccine is going about as well as you’d expect—which is to say, he’s currently foaming at the mouth and trying to bite the hospital staff.
According to the CDC, rabies is a virus with a 99.9% fatality rate once symptoms show up. That’s not a typo. That’s “more deadly than a TikTok challenge” territory. And Kyle? He thought he was the 0.1% exception. Oh, sweet summer child.
The saga began two weeks ago when Kyle woke up to find a bat hanging out in his bedroom. Instead of doing the smart thing—like, say, screaming and calling animal control—he decided to “gently relocate” the creature using a Tupperware container. Noble, right? Except the bat, presumably sick of his essential oil diffuser, bit him on the thumb during the “relocation.”
Now, here’s where the AITA energy really kicks in. Kyle went to the ER, where the doctors—bless their overworked hearts—immediately offered him the rabies vaccine. It’s four shots over two weeks. Not fun, but beats the alternative, which is literally turning into a zombie. But Kyle, being a man of “principle,” declined. His reasoning? “I’ve never had a vaccine before, and I’m still alive. Also, I read on Facebook that bats are actually good luck.”
Sir. Ma’am. They. Are. Not.
Two weeks later, Kyle is in the ICU, hallucinating that the nurses are trying to steal his water bottle and screaming about “the government putting microchips in the rabies vaccine.” The irony is so thick you could spread it on toast. He literally could have gotten the microchips, but he chose the brain inflammation instead.
The doctors are now treating him with the Milwaukee Protocol—a last-ditch, Hail Mary treatment that involves putting him in a medically induced coma and pumping him full of antivirals. It works about 8% of the time. For context, that’s roughly the same success rate as my attempts to get a refund from Comcast.
But here’s the kicker: Kyle’s wife is now crowdfunding for his medical bills on GoFundMe, with the sob story title “Help Kyle Fight the Bat Virus.” And Reddit—being the absolute pit of judgment it is—has already torn her apart. Top comments include:
- “NTA, but your husband is literally too stupid to deserve a liver, let alone a GoFundMe.”
- “YTA for not vaccinating your cat, let alone your husband.”
- “INFO: Did the bat apologize before biting him? Because that might change my ruling.”
The public health officials are losing their minds. Dr. Linda Chen, an infectious disease specialist at the hospital, gave a press conference that was basically a masterclass in restrained fury. “We have a safe, effective vaccine for a disease that is almost universally fatal. And people are choosing death by bat because they saw a meme. I’m not even angry anymore. I’m just tired.”
And honestly? She’s right. Rabies kills about 59,000 people globally each year, mostly in countries without access to vaccines. Meanwhile, in the US, we have the shots sitting in fridges, waiting for people to use them. But nope—Kyle decided he’d rather risk turning into a hydrophobic, aggressive, drooling mess than get a few pokes.
The real kicker? The bat that bit him was probably already sick. Bats don’t just randomly bite people unless they’re neurological disasters. That bat was basically a flying screaming warning sign, and Kyle ignored it because he thought his “third eye” would protect him.
So here’s your PSA, America: If a bat touches you, you get the shots. You don’t “see how it goes.” You don’t “do your own research.” You get the damn shots. Because the alternative is your family posting a GoFundMe for your funeral—and nobody wants to be the guy who died because he trusted a bat more than science.
But hey, at least Kyle is living his truth. It’s just a very short, very thirsty, very bitey truth.
**Update:** As of press time, Kyle has reportedly bitten two orderlies and attempted to drink from a toilet. The bat, meanwhile, was captured and tested positive for rabies. So, you know. Told you so.
Final Thoughts
After covering countless public health scares, the real story here isn't the bats themselves—it's the staggering failure of our awareness systems. We spend millions on response protocols, yet a single overlooked scratch from a seemingly healthy bat remains the most lethal pathogen transmission we face, precisely because we treat it as a rarity rather than a routine risk. In the end, rabies in bats is a grim reminder that nature’s deadliest threats are often the quietest, and our complacency is the most dangerous vector of all.