**Saudi Aramco Posts Record $161 Billion Profit, Reddit Users Immediately Begin Debating How To Tax It**
Listen up, fellow wage slaves and keyboard warriors, because I’ve got a headline that’ll hit you harder than your 401(k) in a bear market. Saudi Aramco, the oil giant that basically prints money from the ground, just announced a record profit of $161 billion for 2022. That’s not a typo. That’s one hundred and sixty-one billion with a B, which is more than the GDP of half the countries on Earth. For context, that’s like if every single person in the United States handed Jeff Bezos $480, and then he still demanded your leftover fries.
Now, before you start sharpening your pitchforks or googling “how to become a Saudi prince without converting to Islam,” let’s break down this financial flex. Aramco didn’t just have a good year; they had a “global energy crisis and we’re the only ones with a fire hose” kind of year. Thanks to Russia’s little special military operation in Ukraine, oil prices went absolutely nuclear, and Aramco was sitting there like the guy at a frat party who brought the only keg. They’re not just the biggest oil company; they’re the biggest company period, with a market cap that makes Apple and Microsoft look like they’re selling lemonade on a cul-de-sac.
But here’s where it gets spicy for your average American. We’re paying $4.50 a gallon for gas, our heating bills are higher than our rent, and we’re all pretending inflation is “transitory” while we eat ramen for the third time this week. Meanwhile, Aramco is literally bathing in cash. The Wall Street Journal did the math: that’s about $18.4 million per hour. Per. Hour. That’s more than you’ll make in your entire life, and they earn it while you’re brushing your teeth.
So, naturally, Reddit went full AITA mode. The top post in r/wallstreetbets was just a screenshot of the profit number with the caption, “*Me explaining to my wife why we need to YOLO our savings into USO calls because the Saudis are printing money*.” Classic. But the real juice was in r/politics, where the thread devolved into a dumpster fire of “we should nationalize oil” vs. “but muh free market” vs. “lol just buy an EV, bro.” Let me save you the scrolling: the consensus was that the US government should slap a windfall profit tax on these guys so hard that their gold-plated Lamborghinis get repossessed.
But hold your horses, you commie-loving, Bernie Sanders-stanning, AOC-supporting friend. The reality is more complicated than a bad take on r/unpopularopinion. Aramco is owned by the Saudi government. Like, literally. The Saudi state owns 90% of the shares. So when they make $161 billion, that money goes straight into the pockets of the House of Saud. And you know what they do with that cash? They buy soccer teams, build literal cities in the desert (looking at you, NEOM), and invest in tech startups so that when oil finally runs out, they can still afford to have servants named “Alexa.”
Meanwhile, in the US, we’re over here debating whether to raise the debt ceiling so we can keep paying for aircraft carriers that protect the shipping lanes that carry… wait for it… Saudi oil. It’s the circle of life, Simba, except instead of lions eating gazelles, it’s your tax dollars buying F-35s to protect the oil tankers that make the Saudis rich, and then they use that money to buy more F-35s from Lockheed Martin. It’s basically a perpetual motion machine of corporate welfare.
The funniest part? The Biden administration is trying to play both sides. On one hand, they’re begging OPEC+ (which is just Saudi Arabia’s group chat) to pump more oil to lower gas prices before the 2024 election. On the other hand, they’re threatening to break up the OPEC cartel via the “NOPEC” bill, which is about as effective as a petition to make Mondays illegal. It’s like watching a toddler try to negotiate with a tiger for its steak.
But here’s the real kicker for you, the American consumer: you’re not going to see a dime of that $161 billion. No stimulus checks. No tax rebates. No free gas cards. The only thing you’ll get is a smug feeling when you see a Saudi prince buy a $500 million yacht and think, “Well, at least my gas station has a Slurpee machine.” Meanwhile, your 401(k) is down 15% because the Fed is hiking interest rates to fight inflation caused by high energy prices. It’s a beautiful, self-licking ice cream cone of economic pain.
And before you start typing “but what about renewable energy?” in the comments, let me stop you right there. Aramco is already pivoting. They’re investing in hydrogen, carbon capture, and even solar power. Because they know the future is green, and they want to own that too. They’re like the villain in a Marvel movie who says, “You can’t defeat me,” and then buys the company that makes the weapon that could defeat them.
So what’s the takeaway for the average American? Honestly? Nothing. You’re going to keep driving your 2012 Honda Civic, pay $70 to fill it up, and watch the Saudis build a ski resort in the desert. The only thing you can do is join the circlejerk on Reddit, post a screenshot of the Aramco profit with the caption “*POV: You just filled up your tank*,” and collect your fake internet points. Because in the real world, the price of oil doesn’t care about your feelings, your budget, or your carbon footprint. It only cares about the line going up. And for Aramco, that
Final Thoughts
The Aramco story is ultimately a stark reminder that even the most colossal state-owned enterprises are not immune to the shifting tectonic plates of global energy and geopolitics. While its financial might remains staggering, the company's future is now inextricably tied to the success of Saudi Vision 2030, a gamble that pivots from crude dominance to diversification. For a firm that once seemed to print money from the ground, the real test will be whether it can navigate a world actively trying to wean itself off its core product.