**Saudi Arabia’s Oil Giant Just Posted a Profit That Would Make Scrooge McDuck Blush, And No One Is Surprised**
Oh, look. Saudi Aramco, the state-owned oil behemoth that basically prints money while the rest of us argue about gas prices, just dropped its earnings report. And surprise, surprise—they made more money in three months than most countries will see in a decade. If you’re sitting there thinking, “Cool, maybe my gas bill will go down,” let me stop you right there. You sweet summer child. Aramco didn’t get to be a trillion-dollar company by giving a damn about your 2017 Honda Civic’s fuel economy. They got there by sitting on a literal ocean of crude and laughing all the way to the royal bank vault.
Let’s break down the numbers, because I know you love hearing about how filthy rich people you’ve never met are getting. Aramco reported a net profit of $27.27 billion for the third quarter of 2024. That’s not a typo. That’s billion with a B. To put that in perspective, that’s roughly the entire GDP of a small European country, or about 27,000 times what you’ll make in your entire lifetime if you’re still paying off student loans. It’s also a slight dip from last year, but let’s be real—when you’re pulling in that kind of cash, a “dip” just means you have to settle for buying a private island instead of an archipelago.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But Reddit user, didn’t we just have a whole pandemic where oil prices went negative? How are they still this rich?” Oh, you sweet naive soul. You see, when the world locked down and everyone stopped driving, Aramco did what any sensible multibillion-dollar cartel would do: they slashed production, jacked up prices, and waited for the suckers (that’s us) to come crawling back. And we did. Because America runs on gasoline, Dunkin’, and crippling dependency on foreign oil. We can’t quit it. Even Elon Musk is out here selling electric cars, but guess what? The grid still runs on natural gas, and your Tesla still needs lithium that’s mined by kids somewhere. So yeah, Aramco’s laughing.
But here’s the real kicker: Aramco is currently paying out a massive dividend to its shareholders. Who are those shareholders? Oh, you know, just the Saudi government, which owns about 90% of the company. So basically, the House of Saud is using our gas money to fund their “Vision 2030” plan, which is supposed to wean them off oil. Yes, you read that right. They’re using oil money to try to stop using oil money. It’s like a drug dealer funding a rehab clinic. Classic.
And the best part? They’re also slashing production targets. OPEC+, the cartel that includes Russia (because of course they’re in on this), has been cutting output to keep prices high. So while you’re paying $4.50 a gallon for unleaded in rural Nebraska, Aramco is happily leaving millions of barrels in the ground just to make sure you don’t get any ideas about cheap gas. It’s a beautiful, dystopian game of supply and demand, and we’re all just NPCs in their grand strategy.
But wait, there’s more! Aramco is also investing in green energy. I know, I know, it sounds like a joke, but hear me out. They’re throwing money at solar, wind, and even hydrogen. But here’s the catch: they’re doing it to lock in their dominance. By controlling the next generation of energy, they can ensure that even when oil becomes obsolete (spoiler alert: it won’t be for decades), they’ll still be the ones holding the keys to the kingdom. So if you thought you could escape Big Oil by buying a Prius, think again. They’re coming for your carbon credits.
Now, let’s talk about the elephant in the room: the human rights angle. Yeah, we all know about Jamal Khashoggi. We know about the war in Yemen. We know about the whole “spinning around in a torture chair” thing. But here’s the thing about global energy markets: nobody cares. The U.S. government can wag its finger at the Saudis all day, but as soon as gas prices spike, they’ll be on the phone begging for more oil like an ex calling at 2 a.m. It’s the ultimate “money talks” situation. And Aramco’s money is screaming.
So what does this mean for you, the average American who just wants to drive to work without remortgaging your house? Honestly? Not much. You’ll keep paying whatever the pump says, because you don’t have a choice. And Aramco will keep cranking out profits like a factory that only produces sad realities. The only hope is that maybe—just maybe—this will push the U.S. to finally get serious about renewable energy. But let’s be real: we can’t even agree on whether climate change is real, so I’m not holding my breath.
In the meantime, I’d suggest you invest in Aramco stock. Oh wait, you can’t—it’s mostly state-owned. But the next best thing? Buy a bike. Or a horse. Or learn to love public transit. Because as long as the House of Saud is sitting on that oil, we’re all just along for the ride. And it’s a first-class ticket to nowhere.
So congrats, Aramco. You’re rich, you’re powerful, and you’re basically untouchable. Enjoy your profits. We’ll be over here, paying for them.
Final Thoughts
Reading between the lines, the article underscores that Aramco's continued dominance rests not merely on its vast reserves, but on its unparalleled ability to maintain spare production capacity—a geopolitical weapon in an increasingly unpredictable world. Yet, the real story here is the tension between the Kingdom's Vision 2030 ambitions and the reality that Aramco’s core business remains tethered to a commodity that the world is actively trying to phase out. Ultimately, the crown jewel of Saudi Arabia is a paradox: a cash machine built for the past, tasked with funding the future.