# Colorado AG Phil Weiser Thinks He Can Save Democracy By Suing Everyone Who Disagrees With Him
Let me paint you a picture: It’s 2024, the American political landscape looks like a dumpster fire that’s been doused in gasoline and lit with a flamethrower, and somehow, Colorado’s Attorney General Phil Weiser has decided that the best way to extinguish said dumpster fire is to become the human equivalent of a “Report” button on Twitter. The guy is suing everyone from pharmaceutical companies to the Trump administration, and honestly, at this point, I’m half expecting him to file a class-action lawsuit against gravity for making people fall down.
For those of you who haven’t been blessed with Colorado’s version of a political savior, Phil Weiser is the state’s top lawyer, and apparently, he’s taken that job description a little too literally. The man has filed more lawsuits than I’ve had hot dinners, and let me tell you, I’ve had a lot of hot dinners because my life is sad and I have no hobbies. Weiser’s latest crusade? Suing to protect “democracy” from the evil forces of… checks notes… everyone who doesn’t agree with him. Bold move, Phil. Real bold.
Let’s start with the obvious: Weiser is the kind of guy who probably yells “Objection!” at his TV during reality shows. He’s been on a legal tear that would make even the most litigious Karen jealous. Remember when he sued the Trump administration over the border wall? Yeah, that happened. Then he sued over the census. Then he sued over some environmental rollbacks. Then he sued over a ham sandwich that looked vaguely like a Republican. I’m exaggerating, but only slightly. The guy has the legal equivalent of main character syndrome, and he’s convinced that he’s the only thing standing between America and a full-blown dystopian nightmare.
But here’s the thing, and I say this as a cynical Reddit user who spends way too much time on r/AmItheAsshole: Phil Weiser might actually be the asshole here. Not because he’s wrong—because let’s be real, some of these lawsuits have legitimate merit—but because he’s doing exactly what everyone’s been complaining about for years. You know how we all hate it when politicians use the legal system to score political points? Yeah, Weiser is doing that, but he’s doing it with a smug smile and a “I’m saving democracy” sticker on his Prius.
Let’s break this down like a bad relationship. On one hand, you have conservatives who think Weiser is a socialist plant sent from the depths of Berkeley to destroy America with his libtard lawsuits. On the other hand, you have progressives who see him as a heroic defender of truth, justice, and the American way. And then you have me, sitting here with a bag of chips, wondering if anyone’s noticed that the real problem isn’t the lawsuits themselves, but the fact that we’ve turned the justice system into a political football. Weiser isn’t playing chess; he’s playing legal whack-a-mole, and the moles are getting smarter.
Take his latest stunt: suing to block a new law that would make it harder for people to vote. Okay, I’ll give him that one. Voter suppression is bad, and if you don’t think so, you’re probably the guy who also thinks pineapple belongs on pizza (it does, by the way, fight me). But then he also sued to stop a new education policy, and a new energy policy, and a new policy about the color of the White House lawn. At what point does “defending democracy” just become “I don’t like this, so I’m going to sue”?
And don’t even get me started on the hypocrisy. Remember when liberals were screaming about “judicial activism” during the Obama years? Yeah, that was a real knee-slapper. Now, the same people are doing victory laps every time Weiser files a lawsuit. It’s almost like everyone’s suddenly okay with the legal system being weaponized as long as it’s their team doing the weaponizing. Shocking, I know. In other news, water is wet, and the sky is blue.
But let’s give credit where credit is due: Weiser has mastered the art of the press release. Every time he files a lawsuit, he releases a statement that sounds like it was written by a Hallmark card for democracy. “Today, we stand up for the people of Colorado and the values that make this country great.” Bro, you’re suing a local school board because they wanted to teach cursive writing. Calm down.
The real kicker? Weiser is running for re-election, and he’s using these lawsuits as campaign ads. “Vote for me! I sued 47 people last month alone!” It’s like that one friend who posts every single workout on Instagram. We get it, you went to the gym. We also get that you’re suing the federal government for the third time this week. Cool story, Phil.
Now, I’m not saying Weiser should stop fighting for what he believes in. But maybe, just maybe, we should all take a step back and ask ourselves: is this really the best we can do? Are we really at the point where the only way to effect change is through endless litigation? Because if so, we’ve already lost. Democracy isn’t about who can file the most lawsuits; it’s about compromise, debate, and, you know, actually talking to people who disagree with you. But sure, let’s just sue our way to a better world. What could possibly go wrong?
In conclusion, Phil Weiser is either a hero or a villain, depending on which side of the aisle you sit on. But one thing’s for sure: he’s definitely a lawyer. And if you’ve ever dealt with a lawyer, you know that’s not exactly a compliment. So here’s to you, Phil. Keep filing those
Final Thoughts
Here’s my take as a veteran journalist:
Phil Weiser continues to position himself as a rare breed in American politics: a state attorney general who genuinely believes in the balance between aggressive antitrust enforcement and the pragmatic need for innovation, rather than just scoring partisan points. His focus on data privacy, cryptocurrency risks, and challenging Big Tech market dominance reflects a sophisticated understanding that the digital economy’s next frontier isn’t just about breaking up monopolies—it’s about writing rules that keep pace with technology. Ultimately, Weiser’s legacy may be defined not by any single lawsuit, but by his insistence that the law must be a living, breathing tool for accountability, even as the courts and Congress lag behind.