Spring Is Lowkey A Scam (Here’s Why We’re All Being Gaslit) 🌸🧢
Okay besties, can we have a real talk for a second? I need y’all to put your iced coffees down and actually listen. Spring is coming, and I am sick and tired of everyone acting like it’s a gift from the heavens. Like, who decided this? Who decided that the season of mud, pollen, and existential dread deserves a whole aesthetic? I’m calling it now: spring is a scam. A total gaslight. We are all being emotionally manipulated by birds chirping and pastel-colored merch. Let’s break this down. 🕵️♀️
First off, the hype. Every March, the internet loses its collective mind. Pinterest boards are flooding with photos of cherry blossoms and dewy grass. TikTok is full of those cozy “spring reset” videos where someone wakes up at 5 AM, makes a smoothie bowl, and opens a window. And I’m just sitting here like… who are you? That is not real life. Real spring is stepping outside and immediately feeling a single bead of sweat roll down your back because it’s 70 degrees but also 40 degrees and also raining. It’s weather bi-polar disorder. One minute you’re freezing, the next you’re overheating in a hoodie you wore because you thought it was still winter. It’s a wardrobe crisis every single day. You cannot win. You will catch a cold. You will be uncomfortable. And you will be forced to smile about it because “spring is so beautiful.” 🥴
And don’t even get me started on pollen. Oh my god. The pollen. I have friends who look like they just finished crying over a break-up but really they just walked past a single daffodil. Your car turns yellow. Your sunglasses have a film. You sneeze and it sounds like a dying animal. People be out here acting like they’re allergic to happiness. Meanwhile, the trees are literally committing biological warfare on our sinuses. And what do we do? We romanticize it. We go to “blooming festivals” and pay $15 for a lemonade while we can’t breathe. It’s masochism. Wake up. 🌲🤧
But the biggest scam? Spring cleaning. Who made this a trend? Who looked at the season of rebirth and said “yeah, let’s scrub the baseboards”? You know what I’m doing in spring? I’m coming out of hibernation. I want to touch grass. I want to sit in a park. I don’t want to organize my closet by color. That is a fall activity. That is a “I need control in my life” activity. Spring cleaning is just capitalism telling you to buy new storage bins and throw away your old hoodies so you can Buy More Stuff. It’s a trap. Your apartment is fine. Let the dust bunnies enjoy their last days before summer humidity kills them. 🧹🚫
And can we talk about the pressure? Oh my god, the pressure. Everyone on social media is acting like spring is a new year. New year, new me? No. Spring is the new new year. It’s “spring reset” and “spring glow up” and “spring capsule wardrobe.” Like, I just survived winter. I’m tired. I don’t want to “glow up.” I want to glow down. I want to sit on a bench and eat a hot dog in silence. But no, you have to go outside and be productive because the sun is out. The sun is a bully. It’s like “Hey, you’re awake. You should be hiking. You should be at a farmer’s market. You should be smiling.” And I’m like “Sun, I have crippling anxiety and I haven’t slept in days. Please leave me alone.” ☀️😤
Also, the animals. Everyone loves baby animals in spring. Lambs! Chicks! Bunnies! So cute. Until you realize they’re all over your lawn. Until you step in something. Until a squirrel decides your bird feeder is its personal buffet and now you have a war on your hands. Spring is just nature being aggressively fertile and in your face about it. It’s gross. It’s life. It’s messy. But we pretend it’s a fairy tale.
And the holidays? Easter is cute for kids but let’s be real, it’s just a sugar coma with a side of forced family time. And then there’s Earth Day, which is great except corporations use it to sell you “sustainable” water bottles made of plastic. And Cinco de Mayo? That’s just an excuse to eat guacamole. I’m not complaining about guac, but don’t call it spring. Call it what it is: a food event. 🥑
Look, I’m not saying spring is all bad. I like flowers. I like longer days. I like when my skin doesn’t crack. But the narrative is out of control. We have been brainwashed by the spring industrial complex. The flower industry, the allergy medicine industry, the home decor industry—they all want you to believe that this season is magical. They want you to buy the scented candles that smell like rain and the floral print dresses you’ll wear once. They want you to feel like if you’re not thriving, you’re failing. And that’s not okay.
So here’s my hot take: spring is mid. It’s a transitional season. It’s awkward. It’s confusing. It’s like the adolescence of the year. And we should treat it as such. Stop romanticizing it. Stop putting pressure on yourself to “bloom.” If you want to stay inside, stay inside. If you want to eat junk food and watch Netflix while it drizzles outside, do it. You are not a flower. You are a human being. And you are allowed to be tired. 🌧️🛌
So next time someone tells you
Final Thoughts
After reading the piece, it’s clear that spring isn’t just a meteorological shift—it’s a psychological reset we desperately need. The real story here isn’t the thawing soil or the earlier sunsets, but the quiet permission it gives us to shed old burdens and start again. In my years of covering seasons and society, I’ve learned that the most profound changes often arrive without a headline, and spring is the ultimate proof that renewal is never a luxury, but a necessity.