Holy S**t, This Guy Got a "Multi-Million Dollar" Settlement After Picking His Nose in Traffic (And Now Every Lawyer Wants a Cut)
Look, we all know the drill. You're sitting in bumper-to-bumper on the I-95, staring into the abyss, and your brain decides it's the perfect time to finally excavate that fossilized booger from last Tuesday's Chipotle run. It’s a universal human experience, right up there with crying in a Target parking lot and pretending you didn't see your ex's new haircut.
But for one lucky—or deeply cursed—Florida man, a routine nostril excavation has allegedly turned into a legal sh*tshow that makes the O.J. Simpson trial look like a parking ticket dispute. Meet Brad Throgmorton, 34, a part-time Uber Eats driver and full-time cautionary tale for anyone who dares to touch their face in public.
According to a lawsuit filed in Brevard County, Brad was stopped at a red light in his 2010 Honda Civic, minding his own business, when he decided to engage in a "routine digital nasal inspection." Witnesses say he was "really going for it," using a technique that one observer described as "archaeological." But here's where it gets spicy: Brad's pinky finger allegedly slipped, causing him to jerk his head back violently. That sudden movement caused him to accidentally floor the accelerator, launching his Civic into the back of a 2023 Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon owned by a local dentist named Dr. Chad Worthington.
No one was hurt. The G-Wagon had a scratch the size of a credit card. But Dr. Chad, who was apparently on his way to a CrossFit competition, didn't just get out of his car. He got out of his car, took one look at the scratch, and immediately started recording Brad on his iPhone.
"You’ve just committed a felony-level fender bender, sir," Dr. Chad allegedly said, according to the police report. "My back is ruined. My neck is a disaster. I’m going to have to cancel my 'Hot Pilates' class for the next six months. My chiropractor is going to be very, very rich."
And so began the most unhinged personal injury claim since a woman tried to sue McDonald's for burning her with coffee she ordered specifically to burn herself.
**The Lawsuit That Broke the Internet**
Brad's insurance company, "Discount Shield," initially offered to pay for the scratch and a car wash. Dr. Chad laughed. He laughed all the way to the office of "The Hammer Group," a law firm whose TV commercials feature a man in a cheap suit smashing a gavel through a stack of cash.
Dr. Chad’s lawyer, a man named Ron "The Rhino" Rinaldi, filed a lawsuit claiming that Brad’s "negligent nose-picking" was a "pre-existing condition" that demonstrated a "reckless disregard for public safety." The suit alleges that Brad should have known that picking his nose in a motor vehicle constituted an "ultra-hazardous activity."
"The defendant chose to operate a motor vehicle while simultaneously performing a high-risk, manual dexterity task," Rinaldi told the *Orlando Sentinel*. "This is no different than texting, applying mascara, or trying to eat a Jell-O cup without a spoon. My client is now suffering from 'chronic cervical whiplash' and 'emotional distress' from witnessing the act. He says he can't look at a nostril the same way again."
But wait, it gets worse.
**The Counter-Suit (Because Of Course)**
Brad, who is representing himself because he can't afford a lawyer after spending his savings on a new Xbox, fired back with a countersuit. He claims that Dr. Chad's "aggressive recording" caused him to suffer "public ridicule" and "performance anxiety." Brad’s legal argument, hand-written on a napkin and filed with the court, reads: "He made me feel bad about my finger. It's a good finger. I've been picking with it since I was 8."
Brad also claims that the G-Wagon's "obnoxiously bright headlights" blinded him, which is why he was "digging for gold" in the first place. "It was a defensive maneuver," Brad told a local news crew, wiping his nose with a sleeve. "I was trying to clear my sinuses for better situational awareness."
**Where the Hell Are the Lawyers?**
This is the part that’s making every ambulance chaser in a 50-mile radius salivate. The moment this story went viral on TikTok (under the hashtag #BoogerGate), a legal feeding frenzy began.
At least four separate personal injury firms have now filed "friend of the court" briefs trying to get a piece of the action. They're arguing that Brad’s "digital nasal manipulation" is a "known hazard" that should be covered under a new category of "distracted driving." One firm in Tampa is even running a new TV ad that features a cartoon finger picking a cartoon nose, followed by a car crash. The tagline? "You pick it, we stick it to them."
The legal community is in a full-blown panic. Law professors are using this case as a test for "the limits of tort liability." A Harvard Law review blog post about the case is titled: "Picking a Nose vs. Picking a Fight: The Future of Distracted Driving Litigation."
Meanwhile, the internet has decided Brad is a folk hero. Reddit's r/amitheasshole is currently split 50/50. Half the users say Brad is NTA because "everyone picks their nose, it's biology." The other half says YTA because "you have a 2010 Honda Civic. You have no business being near a G-Wagon. You should have been looking at the road, not at your own face."
**The Real Victim Here**
Let’s be real for a second. The real victim isn't Dr. Chad and his "ruined" back. It isn't Brad and his "violated" finger. It’s the American legal system, which
Final Thoughts
After years covering these cases, I’ve learned that the value of a car accident attorney isn’t just in navigating legal jargon—it’s in leveling the playing field against insurance companies that are quick to lowball victims while they’re still healing. A good attorney forces the system to account for the real, long-term costs of a crash, not just the immediate ones. Ultimately, if you’ve been hit, hiring one isn’t about being litigious; it’s about ensuring you’re not left paying the price for someone else’s mistake twice.