Slate Auto CEO Says 'Nobody Wants to Drive Anymore'—Internet Responds With 'Nobody Wants to Pay $80K for a Weekend Car'
San Francisco, CA – In a move that has absolutely no chance of backfiring, the CEO of luxury electric vehicle startup Slate Auto, Marcus Thorne, sat down for a cozy interview with *TechCrunch Disrupt* yesterday and dropped the single most out-of-touch take of the decade: “Nobody actually wants to drive anymore. The future is the passenger seat.”
Let me translate that for you from Billionaire to English: “I just spent $2 billion developing a car that can vibrate your prostate on the way to work, and I need you to buy it so my Series F investors don’t ask for their money back.”
Thorne, a man who has clearly never sat in I-95 traffic for three hours because a tire blew out on a pothole that swallowed a Mini Cooper, went on to explain that the new Slate Auto S5—a $78,000 sedan that has the aerodynamics of a brick and the luxury of a dentist’s waiting room—isn’t about the driving experience. It’s about the “curated transit experience.” You’re not driving. You’re being *driven.* Like a toddler. Or a divorcee on her way to a wine tasting.
“We’ve designed the interior to be a mobile living room,” Thorne said, sipping what was probably a $20 cup of single-origin coffee that he calls “artisanal fuel.” “You recline. You watch content. You let the car handle the stress. Why would anyone want to hold a steering wheel when they could hold a tablet?”
Oh, I don’t know, Marcus. Maybe because I enjoy not being a passive participant in my own life? Maybe because the last time I checked, “mobile living room” was called a bus, and the last time I rode one, a man tried to sell me a half-eaten bag of Funyuns for $5. But sure. Tell me more about how your $80,000 robot taxi is going to make me feel like a main character.
The internet, as you might imagine, did not take this well. It took this about as well as a vegan at a BBQ. Reddit, Twitter (sorry, X), and even a few LinkedIn posts from people who have never touched a steering wheel in their lives erupted in a glorious, sarcastic firestorm.
A top comment on the Slate Auto press release read: “Bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off for them when the average American can’t afford a $400 car payment, let alone a $1,200 monthly lease for a car that drives itself into a lake.”
Another user, u/SteeringWheelEnjoyer, posted: “I don’t want to be ‘transported.’ I want to be *in control.* I want to feel the rumble of a V8 engine that’s actively trying to kill me, not the silent hum of a toaster that’s judging my Spotify playlist.”
And then there was the AITA (Am I The A**hole) style thread that went viral: “AITA for telling my boss that his ‘passenger-first’ luxury EV makes me want to drive my 1997 Toyota Camry into a tree just to feel something? He said I was ‘resistant to progress.’ I said he was ‘resistant to the concept of a manual transmission.’”
The thread, naturally, voted NTA. Because nobody—and I mean *nobody*—wants to pay $80,000 to be a glorified suitcase.
But here’s the thing, and this is where the Slate Auto CEO really stepped in it. He didn’t just say “nobody wants to drive.” He implied that the desire to drive is a *flaw.* That it’s a character defect. A vestigial need from a bygone era when men were men and cars were loud.
“The steering wheel is a relic,” Thorne said, practically sneering. “It’s a symbol of anxiety, of human error. We’re moving past that.”
Cool. Cool cool cool. So you’re saying that the 70% of Americans who drive a pickup truck to haul lumber, or the guy who uses his sedan to commute two hours a day to a job that barely pays the rent, are just… *failing to evolve*? That’s a hell of a way to sell a car, Marcus. Really leaning into the “you’re a loser for liking things I don’t understand” angle.
Let me paint a picture for you, because I think the Slate Auto offices are soundproofed from reality.
Yesterday, in Kansas City, a woman named Denise drove her 2015 Honda CR-V to pick up her kid from soccer practice. She hit a pothole the size of a small dog. Her alignment is now shot. Her brake pads are squealing. She has a “Check Engine” light that’s been on so long she named it Dave. She would *kill* to have a car that drove itself. But she can’t afford an $80,000 laptop with wheels.
Meanwhile, in Austin, a tech bro named Chad (because of course) is currently financing a Slate Auto S5 at 9.9% APR. He’s not driving it. He’s being driven. He’s in the back seat, filming a TikTok about his “mobile wellness journey” while the car merges into a lane that doesn’t exist. The car is confused. Chad is confused. The only thing that isn’t confused is Chad’s credit card bill.
The disconnect here is so wide you could drive a semi-truck through it. Thorne is selling a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist for 99% of people. The problem isn’t “I hate driving.” The problem is “I hate traffic, I hate the cost of gas, I hate that my car is a depreciating asset that I’m still paying for, and I hate that my commute takes two hours because the infrastructure in this country was designed by
Final Thoughts
After years of breathless hype about autonomous vehicles, the “slate auto” story serves as a sobering reminder that the gulf between a compelling concept and a viable product is often paved with overlooked infrastructure and human psychology. The industry’s obsession with flashy tech has consistently underestimated the gritty, unsexy logistics of maintenance, regulation, and public trust. Ultimately, this article suggests that the future of mobility won’t be won by the smartest algorithm, but by the company that can best navigate the messy, analog world of real roads and real people.