Lavar Ball Claims He Could Score 20 Points in an NBA Game, Right Now, While Doing His Own Laundry
You know what’s been missing from the discourse lately? Absolutely nothing. But my man LaVar Ball, the undisputed heavyweight champion of saying the dumbest thing possible into a microphone, has decided we weren’t annoyed enough. The Big Baller Brand CEO, patriarch of the LiAngelo “I had a 15-minute cup of coffee in the NBA” Ball family, and full-time professional yapper has officially jumped the shark into a new dimension of delusion.
In an interview that dropped faster than a Lonzo Ball jump shot in the playoffs, LaVar—who is currently 55 years old, has never played a single minute of NBA basketball, and whose knees are held together by pure ego and KT Tape—declared he could walk onto an NBA court today and drop 20 points, no problem.
“I’m not even playing around,” LaVar said, probably while standing in his kitchen eating a bowl of raw meat. “I’m 55, I ain’t worked out in three weeks, I just had two pieces of fried chicken. Put me in the fourth quarter against the Wizards. I’m getting 20, easy. And I’m doing my own laundry after the game.”
Let’s just let that marinate. This man believes he could score 20 points against professional athletes who are currently in the prime of their lives, who have dedicated their entire existence to being taller, faster, and stronger than him. He thinks he could do it while being older than most of their fathers. And he’s throwing in a domestic chore for dramatic effect.
I need everyone to understand the sheer audacity of this take. This isn’t a guy who was a fringe NBA player. This is a guy who played college ball at Washington State and then bounced around the CBA and some European leagues where they probably paid him in expired yogurt. He averaged 2.2 points per game in college. Two. Point. Two. That’s not a typo. That’s a stat line that screams “I was the 12th man on a team that got blown out by Arizona.”
And now he’s telling us he can score on Anthony Davis? On Jaren Jackson Jr.? On Rudy Gobert? Bro, Rudy Gobert would block your shot so hard it would land in the parking lot of the Staples Center. You’d have to Uber to get the ball back.
But okay, let’s play LaVar’s game. Let’s pretend this is a real possibility. What does a 55-year-old LaVar Ball scoring 20 points in an NBA game actually look like? Because it’s not going to be pretty. It’s going to be the most unathletic, sad, slow-motion basketball you’ve ever seen. It would look like a dad at a YMCA open gym who refuses to pass to his own son. It would be 15 minutes of LaVar backing down a 22-year-old who squats 400 pounds, only to chuck up a brick that hits the side of the backboard.
But LaVar has a plan. He’s not just talking. He has a strategy. And that strategy is, apparently, to just “get to the line.” Because nothing says “I’m a professional athlete” like relying on free throws from a man who has never shot a free throw under the pressure of a 20,000-person crowd screaming “YOU SUCK, OLD MAN.”
And let’s be real. He’s not getting those free throws. NBA refs are not calling a blocking foul on a 55-year-old man who is clearly just falling over because his hamstrings are made of rubber bands. They’re going to look at him, blow the whistle, and call a charge faster than you can say “Big Baller Brand is a scam.”
But wait, there’s more. LaVar also threw a little shade at his own sons, because of course he did. He implied that Lonzo couldn’t have done it. Because why lift up your son when you can tear him down to make yourself look better? That’s the LaVar Ball way. He’s the only man in history who has managed to monetize his children’s success while simultaneously insulting them.
Remember when LaVar said he could beat Michael Jordan one-on-one? Everyone laughed. Remember when he said Lonzo was better than Steph Curry? Everyone laughed. Remember when LiAngelo got arrested for shoplifting in China and LaVar turned it into a press conference about his own greatness? Everyone laughed. And now he’s here, at 55, telling us he could score 20 points in an NBA game while doing his own laundry, and we’re still laughing.
But here’s the thing: LaVar Ball is a genius. Not a basketball genius. A marketing genius. He knows that saying the most unhinged thing possible gets him attention. He knows that the second he says “I could score 20 points right now,” every sports talk show, every podcast, every Reddit thread is going to talk about him. He’s been irrelevant for years, and now he’s back in the spotlight, all because he said something so stupid it became newsworthy.
So congratulations, LaVar. You did it. You successfully got everyone to talk about you again. You’re the guy who thinks he can score 20 points in the NBA at age 55. You’re the guy who thinks he can do it while doing his own laundry. You’re the guy who is so confident in his own delusion that he’s willing to look like a complete clown on national television.
And you know what? If you actually did it—if you somehow, miraculously, scored 20 points in an NBA game—I would apologize. I would buy a Big Baller Brand hat. I would start a GoFundMe to get you a statue. But we all know that’s not happening. You couldn’t score 20 points in a game of HORSE against a middle school JV team.
So keep talking, LaVar. Keep feeding the algorithm. Because
Final Thoughts
As someone who’s watched the sports-media circus for decades, the LaVar Ball saga feels less like a cautionary tale and more like a masterclass in calculated chaos—he weaponized hype to rewrite the rules of basketball branding, even if the bill came due in diminished credibility. His sons, particularly Lonzo and LaMelo, have proven their talent despite the noise, but LaVar’s legacy will be that of a carnival barker who convinced the league to take his family seriously, only to be left shouting from the sidelines when the game moved on. In the end, he was a disruptor, not a builder; his loudest lesson is that noise can open doors, but only substance keeps them from slamming shut.