Final Fantasy VII Fans in Shambles After 'FF7 Revelation' Reveals Cloud’s Hair Isn’t Spiky, It’s Just Really Bad Bedhead
In a devastating leak that has sent shockwaves through the nostalgia industrial complex, the latest 'ff7 revelation' confirms that Cloud Strife’s iconic, gravity-defying golden spikes are not a result of SOLDIER cellular enhancement or hair gel, but rather a decade-long struggle with chronic sleep disorder. According to an anonymous former Square Enix modeler, the entire backstory of Midgar was a coping mechanism designed to distract players from the fact that the protagonist’s scalp is simply a modern art installation for a pillow that hasn’t been fluffed since the 1990s. Gamers are now debating whether Sephiroth’s real villainy was forcing a man with unmanageable cowlicks to carry a Buster Sword. “I cried during the Lifestream scene, but now I’m just furious my barber lied to me,” one fan tweeted. The internet is now flooded with ‘90s CGI edits of Cloud sleeping normally, which locals have dubbed the ‘Radical Lucid Dream’ patch.