STRANGER THAN HEAVEN: CULT LEADER CLAIMS ALIEN SKY PORTAL IS OPENING ABOVE WALMART PARKING LOT—5G TOWERS ARE SIGNAL BEACONS!
JUST IN—MIND-BLOWING FOOTAGE CAPTURED! A SELF-PROCLAIMED "INTERDIMENSIONAL PROPHET" HAS GONE VIRAL AFTER DECLARING A PORTAL TO A REALM "STRANGER THAN HEAVEN" IS ABOUT TO RIP OPEN IN PLAIN SIGHT! SOURCES SAY THE MAN, WEARING A TINFOIL ROBE AND BRANDISHING A LASER POINTER, ZEROED IN ON A LOCAL WALMART, CLAIMING THE BIG-BOX STORE'S PARKING LOT IS THE EPICENTER OF A COSMIC DESTABILIZATION. "THEY'RE USING 5G TOWERS TO PULL SOULS INTO A PARALLEL DIMENSION," HE SCREAMED, AS SPECTATORS FILMED IN SHOCK. WHAT IS TRULY HIDDEN BEHIND OUR ATMOSPHERE? THE VIDEO HAS AMASSED 2 MILLION VIEWS IN JUST HOURS! IS THIS THE SIGN OF THE END TIMES, OR JUST THE WEIRDEST GROCERY RUN EVER? STAY TUNED—THE TRUTH WILL LEAVE YOU MORE THAN HEAVENLY CONFUSED!